My week

I have sort of hummed and hah'd whether to dump this in here. But have decided that although it is ultimately Yogi's journey, it's mine too and since all this has happened, I have found "blogging" strangely cathartic.
Around the time that Yogi was diagnosed with cancer, my mum was too. I felt that I had been dealt a double blow and that my life was falling apart. I think it's the shock of the "C" word. It always seems so inevitable that this will be the end. Mum has had cancer before. 6 years ago she had lung cancer and made a complete recovery. No chemo, "just" an operation to remove it. At the beginning of this year she had bowel cancer. Once again, no chemo it was caught early and removed by an operation. Again I thought she was cured and aside from a fairly long recovery period, she has done brilliantly. At 72 she is living independently and very fit as well, walking her dog 3 times a day and helping me to look after mine. So when she called me and said that she had cancer again in the lung and in the adrenal glands, those horrendous feelings of hopelessness seemed to overwhelm me. She told me that they were "independent cancers" i.e. not metastatic and that they were operable. So once again we played the waiting game for biopsies and consultations. I felt quite positive as I don't believe that she would have said anything if she believed it was terminal. She has always said that she wouldn't say until she had to. Anyway, this week she had an appointment at the hospital for the results of a lung biopsy. She wouldn't let me go with her (said there was no need) but my brother insisted on going with her. That's when the doctor mentioned that she also has breast cancer too. I fell to pieces when I found out. She is still saying that everything will be dealt with by operations. I am not so sure. I am terrified but can't show it. She I think is terrified but can't show it. As is my brother. I feel as if I don't know "how to be" much of the time. On Monday Rich is taking Yogi for his chemo and I am taking my mum to see a consultant for the adrenal gland cancer. I need to spend this weekend sorting out a list of questions and trying to stay strong when in reality I am very scared.