Wednesday, 5 March 2008

Life without Yogi....


....Is hell. I can't describe it in any other way. He was so full of life and such a massive part of our lives. He has left the most unbelievable open wound.

When we first said goodbye, in a way there was a sense of relief in as much as no more worrying, no more checking, no more wondering when it would happen. Plus the incredible grief that went with it. Now, everything just seems so final. His ashes are back, there is nothing left anymore. In Norfolk it seemed easier somehow. Surrounded by people and other distractions. Larry seemed OK too. Back at home everything just feels so empty. I'm not sure if Larry is depressed. He hasn't ventured upstairs at all and just seems happy to sleep in his basket. He still wants to walk though. It could be his hips are sore (he has arthritis and hip displacia). I have upped his medication but so far it hasn't made any difference. I will give it a little more time and then take him to see John. I am trying to put a brave face on it but really struggling. I need to because I can't afford to sink. Mum is having a mastectomy next week and I have to stay strong. Not doing so well today. I now (in Handh's words) have a soggy keyboard again.

14 comments:

Linda Seid Frembes said...

Oh, Fiona. There is so much left.... don't say there is nothing. Yogi is with you; he is in your heart and in your mind. He is no longer in pain and can see his mum any time he likes.

Yes, his body is gone. Dust. But your love for each other will never die. Yogi will walk with you when you need him, as he always has. As Graham once said to me, it's like tuning a radio. Sometimes you catch the right frequency and he (Prince, Watson, now Yogi) will come in loud and clear.

Thinking of you. ((HUGS))

Alison said...

Oh Fiona, my heart is breaking for you...I am so sorry...time..it will just take time....please take care of yourself while you are grieving right now.
Hugs to you..

Lesley Rigby said...

Dear Fiona,
Oh how I feel for you. All I can say is that you will be happy again one day. I am certain that at this time that is the last thing you could ever want or imagine. How could you be happy without Yogi?
Just like Yogi's little love bite is healing (and I'm sure you don't want it to because that is part of Yogi), your heart will also heal because that is just as natural.
Go with the flow and draw strength from all of us who care for you and the people who love you (Larry especially).
XXXXXXXXXX

HandH said...

I honestly believe his spirit will walk at your side when you need him, even if his body is gone. I've heard so many tales of people who've gone to psychics who've said "What's the lab's name?" straight away, because they've seen a dog's presence. I'm so sorry you feel bad, and thinking of you,
H

Fiona said...

Thank you all. All these words help so much. I just want to feel him there and know that he's Ok. I also know that time WILL heal although it doesn't feel that way just now.
Lesley, you are so right about his "love bite", I don't want that to heal at all.
The night after it happened, I heard him bark, just as if he was asking to go out. I knew it was him because his bark is so different from Larry's. I even went downstairs to see him. I wasn't asleep and it was so clear.
I haven't heard anything since...and I want to. So very much.

Graham, Prince & Tilly said...

Fiona, it's such an awful thing - I really understand what you're going through. I really hope your Mums operation goes well too, and Larry cheers up, because you have so much to deal with at the moment that it's deeply unfair. Of course you must be strong, but do allow yourself to be weak, and pathetic, and wail loudly every day - it's natural and will help get some of it out of your system. I've done a lot of weak, pathetic, wailing over the past few months and I think it does help.

There's no doubt that Yogi will be with you all the time - you simply can't be parted. Being the contrary buggers dogs are sometimes he'll probably make his presence felt when you least expect it though!

DoGGa said...

Hi!
I stopped by here from Linda's blog...

I'm a big dog lover and although I've not shared my life with a dog of my own and therefore not lost one, I cannot imagine your pain, but hope I can sympathise with you.

Happy hound thoughts are with you Fiona :]

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

{hugs}

Elizabeth said...

Dear Fiona,

My heart goes out to you. Please know that the connection we have with our beloved pets never dies. I remember when my cat Bamboo died, I felt him with me and on my bed at night. I know he was with me then and still is. This is such a difficult time with everything that you are going thru. Be patient with yourself. I think it is great that you started this blog. What a wonderful support system for you. Also, have you checked out the APLB website?

My love (and my Mom's too) to your Mum. Please let us know when she is out of surgery safely. We will be praying. What day is the surgery?

Love to you, Rich and Larry. Also to Malcolm and his family.

Love, Elizabeth

P.S. Remember: you have an angel on your shoulder. XX

Teresa (AKA Cole-n-Bridget's mommy) said...

Fiona,

I found your blog through Linda and Graham (and Prince and Tilly). I am so sorry to hear about Yogi's passing and am heartbroken for you. When pets as wonderful as Yogi (and Larry) come into our lives we are forever changed for the better. The depth of your pain is a testament to the love you gave and received from Yogi. I wish you peace as you mourn his loss.

Take care,
Teresa

Lesley Rigby said...

Fiona,

You mentioned your Mum having her mastectomy this week. I am thinking of you both and hope everything goes well for her whenever the operation might be. Lots of Love, Lesley

Alison said...

I have something for you!! Come over and see!!!

Teresa (AKA Cole-n-Bridget's mommy) said...

Fiona, I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you, Larry and your mother, hoping that all is going well.

Take care. Cole and I are sending you lots of good thoughts and hugs!

Nicholas Monaco said...

Dear Fiona,

I share your sorrow and yearning for Yogi. I just lost my four year old Welsh Corgi, Skipper, on May 1, 2008, to lymphoma sarcoma.

Please believe that my prayers are with you and your baby.

God Bless You,
Nicholas Monaco
136 Nautical Drive
Forked River, New Jersey 08731