Monday, 9 June 2008

The dark side ......

Firstly, I need to apologise for staying away for rather a long time. I can only put it down to an incredibly low mood. Blogging when feeling that bad seemed almost too difficult.
It seemed to spiral downwards when we saw the oncologist and they said that mum needed chemo. The details that followed were not pleasant at all.
The chemo that mum needed was for the lung cancer. The breast cancer, they said needed no further treatment. The lung, as the cancer had spread (to the adrenals) needed to be blasted with chemicals so strong that they had the potential to wipe someone out completely. The oncologist had treated 5 people with this particular protocol. Only 1 had managed to finish the course! The actual drugs and the side effects were so aggressive that they are virtually intolerable (or so we were told) Furthermore, the only benefit is a 5% extra chance that the cancer will not return (I don't think that even means "ever" but for a reasonable amount of time). Mum being the tough cookie that she is, wants to take that "5%". We have to support that decision. Not sure if it is all that has happened lately but it sent me into a deep deep gloom. The thought of more illness, more suffering and more unknown was such a lot to contend with and I must admit I am not handling it well.
So, last Monday was D Day or C = Chemo day. An overnight stay while mum is pumped through with the most powerful drugs and then wait. The side effects started arriving the next day. Sickness being the worst. By Friday, she was blacking out, being sick and completely beside herself with distress. Back to hospital. They found her blood pressure through the floor and complete dehydration. I cannot fault the hospital, they took her straight in and got her on a drip. Gave her different medication for the nausea and got her feeling human again. What a scare though. Yesterday she was feeling brighter and more ready for today's onslaught. So, she now gets a week and a bit to recover and then more of the same. She is going to see how she feels at the end of this week and decide along with her doctors whether she can continue. She is very brave I am very scared. My fears seem to be coming true. I must try and be more positve but God, is it hard. Every little problem seems magnified these days.
So, that's why I haven't been blogging lately. When all seems so very black it's difficult to think straight. I am trying....hard.
Larry is doing his best to keep our spirits up. Don't know what I would do without him either. I wish that Yogi was here too......

11 comments:

HandH said...

I did wonder if your silence meant bad news... For what it's worth, I think your mother is incredibly brave, and is going for every chance she can get, and I admire that. It's just that the side-effects are so frightening - hugs and hopes,

H

Lesley Rigby said...

Fiona, They can do amazing things today and so BELIEVE in them and go for it with all the faith you can muster. Your Mum is like a toy in a budgies cage with a round bottom - she will pop back up and show you what faith can do! Your Mum can take more and so you mustn't feel that you can't. Up you come out of your black hole!!! (and who could blame you for being in one). Lots of Love xxxxxx

Aoj & The Lurchers said...

Oh what a nightmare time you've been having. My thoughts are with you. {{hugs}}

Fiona said...

Oh, thank you so much everyone. Your comments really help me to put things in perspective. Thank you, chin is coming up!
Lesley, did you have a good holiday?

Linda Seid Frembes said...

Fiona, I am so sorry. Be fearless, even in the face of your greatest fears.

My mom had lung cancer as well, but she was sick for a very short time. I can only tell you to find something that keeps you sane and grounded, and hang onto it for dear life.

During the nausea, there are several things you and your mum can try. Crackers, apple juice, and clear broth. Also ice chips to keep her hydrated. My mom liked sports drinks like Gatorade. Our doctor also recommended drinking Ensure Plus (http://ensure.com/products/index.aspx) to help maintain her weight.

I hope this helps. Thinking of you both.

-Linda

Lesley Rigby said...

Fiona, Yes we had a really good holiday thank you. It was a Duchy of Cornwall cottage and really beautiful. We stayed at No 2 Gustivean Cottage, Newquay. We drove through Newquay only once and it was a terrible place but we were out in the country surrounded by cows thank goodness.
I had to see Port Isaac because Fiona had been there! We drove down to the harbour despite warnings of a narrow road. I think it was the most stressful part of the holiday especially as we had a stand off with another car half way down. Those narrow lanes are REALLY scary especially when you have wild flowers brushing each side of the car!
I was also very sad wanting "My baby" on my knee (Prince). He always sat on my knee in the back of the car but like you I had to laugh at the thought of it because I would have ended up with deep vein thrombosis the amount of miles we covered.
I could go on and on but I won't - this is your blog, but it is good to know you have also been to the same places. Thanks again for asking. XXXX

Teresa (AKA Cole-n-Bridget's mommy) said...

Oh, Fiona, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. She sounds like an amazing and strong woman. You and your mum will be in my thoughts. I'm glad to hear that Larry is such a comfort to you. Yogi is there, too, I'm sure of it.

xo

Elizabeth said...

Fiona, Our thoughts and prayers are with you, your Mum and family. With love, Elizabeth & Adrienne

Fiona said...

Linda, I am SO sorry to hear about your Mum. It is hell going through this isn't it? Thank you for the advice and the tips, I have passed them on. Thankfully she is eating quite well and they have managed to find something to calm the nausea. She isn't feeling good though.

Lesley, I am so pleased you enjoyed Cornwall. I really want to go back. It's sort of magical there isn't it? I love reading your comments so please don't cut them short on my account :o)

Teresa, Thank you. I am sure you are getting the same comfort from Bridget. Thank God for them.

Elizabeth, Thank you, I will be in touch soon.

DogBoy said...

I can sympathise with you Fiona!
I know too many Cancer cases, including my mum who had breast cancer last year, but luckily pulled through it OK.
Never give up and my thoughts are with you and your mom.

P.S. Thanks for the electric bike link! We made it to the top of Google etc, so please feel free to remove it now if you wish :]

Fiona said...

Hi DB! Welcome back! So sorry to hear your mum went through this hell too but so very glad that that she is OK now.