Sunday, 29 June 2008

The last 4 weeks have been so difficult for my poor mum. She seems to have turned into a little old lady. The chemo has sapped her strength, her energy and sometimes she seems so very low which is frightening. For most of it she has been able to do absolutely nothing. Unable to walk with or look after Fudge. Unable to do things that we all take for granted like simple housework. Understandably she gets very low at times. She was supposed to start another cycle last Monday following a blood test to check that she was strong enough to take it. She wasn't. Her white cell count had dropped further and it was just too dangerous to inflict another bout of chemo on her already depleted immune system. She saw the oncologist who seemed rather surprised that she would even consider going back for more.

Fudge has more or less been permanently living with us for quite a while now. Mum keeps saying that Fudge sees our home as hers. I find that heartbreaking, she must feel like she has lost everything. Yes, Fudge is happy here with Larry, but when we take her back to spend the day at Mum's she gets so excited. She still knows that Mum is HER Mum. I guess that we should be grateful that she is such an adaptable little dog. I wish that she could resume her normal life back where she belongs with Mum though.

Yesterday Mum made a decision. I think that over the past week she has been feeling stronger and brighter. She says that if she is unable to have the chemo tomorrow, she is not going to continue. She doesn't want to feel ill any more. I have to say that I agree with her. It is scary but is it worth months and months of feeling terrible for such a small benefit? All we can do is support her decision and pray that whatever happens is for the best...

On a brighter note, here are some pics of the dogs on a recent weekend away. Larry, against explicit instructions not to, decided to take matters into his own paws and have a mud bath! He was just about covered from head to toe in brown gook. Since there was nowhere to wash him he had to stay like that til we got home :o) For days afterwards his coat had a pinkish tinge to it. In fact it still isn't quite back to his pristine white that it should be. Good old Larry :o)

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5 comments:

HandH said...

Hugs to you and your Mum - and to poor Fudge, who is also having to be very brave. Hope Larry is less pink soon!

Linda Seid Frembes said...

I am thinking of you both. Your mum is brave woman. I can only imagine it is a hard transition to make - to be strong and independent, and then have chemo just whip your bum.

Later in her illness, I remember my mom was put on oxygen and told to stay away from open flames (i.e. the gas stove in the kitchen). I can home one day to find her cooking an egg on the stove! She could have blown herself to pieces!! But she was independent and couldn't swallow having to ask for help... I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

DogBoy said...

Your mom sounds like a fighter Fiona; whatever she decides will be right for her I'm sure.
Healing thoughts yout way...

Liking the hound shots :]

Lesley Rigby said...

Fiona,
She's right not to want to feel ill anymore. Your lovely Mum for all her strength must surely have had enough. If her spirit has been broken that says it all. It's time for some quality of life again and with her family to love her and Fudge wanting his Mum back who knows what miracles could happen!
I feel strongly that your Mum IS going to get better.

Teresa (AKA Cole-n-Bridget's mommy) said...

Fiona, I wish you peace in whatever your Mum has decided to do around her treatment. She is a strong woman (who has no doubtedly raised a strong daughter)! My thoughts are with you.

As a side, Larry and Fudge look so happy romping in the water! What a gift you've given them both of your time and such a happy activity!

xo