Yogi's Journey

One Year On

2009-02-26T08:47:00.003Z

I cannot believe its been a year since Yogi died. I think its been one of the hardest years of my life to date. The little man left such a hole in our hearts.

Lesley, thank you so much for remembering us. I think of you often too, I think of everyone who is going or who has been through this hell.

As I look at this picture, I feel a deep sadness and loss. The other day I found some hair that I cut from his tail the day we had to say goodbye. Does it get any easier? Yes, it does, but that feeling in my heart will never heal when I allow myself to go there.

Yogi, I miss you Little Bear.

Update

2008-09-12T08:54:00.003+01:00

Hello.
Seems like I have been away for ages and ages. Unforgivable but the truth is when things are going well, I am not sure what to write about! Sad but true. Things are going well, Mum is back pretty much to normal, Fudge is at home with her and Larry (or Harry as my mum sometimes calls him - no idea why) is his usual grumpy self. And I am feeling SO much better.

I never mentioned it, but since about May I have been on anti-depressants and having counselling. I just couldn't take any more and felt I was losing the plot. Helped me to face many demons from the past and have a future that I look forward to. Although it was hard to admit that I was struggling I think it was the best thing I ever did. I would recommend it to anyone who has long term depression.

Anyway, enough about that and on to nicer things. Tomorrow we are off to Cornwall again for a week. We haven't had a break since April and are both in need of one. We have found a beautiful house in the middle of nowhere in South Cornwall just near the South Devon border. It looks lovely. An acre and a half garden for the lazy collie to wander in and a creak at the bottom. Sounds idyllic, I hope that it is.

I have been keeping up with the blogs though and am amazed and delighted to see Herbie still going strong. He really is Herbie the Wonder Dog!
I cannot believe that in about 8 weeks it will be a year since Yogi was first diagnosed with his cancer. It seems incredible that this year has gone so fast. I still miss him so badly that it hurts sometimes, but I am so grateful that he shared his life with us for as long as he did.

I hope everyone is well and enjoying this wonderful summer (not) that we have had. I promise that I will post some holiday pics when I get back :o)

2008-08-03T13:13:00.005+01:00

I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This is why.
Mum had chemo number 3 and this time was the worst it has ever been. Instead of rallying she got sicker and weaker each day. Last Saturday she called me in tears to take her to the hospital. When I got to her house she was collapsing every few minutes, she couldn't breathe and she was weak and dizzy. I have never been so frightened in all my life. After getting her to the hospital (bad planning meant that we had to get her there in my sports car as the "sensible" car had no petrol! Funny now but not so at the time) she was examined and put on a drip. Then they had to find out what was causing the reaction. ~The options were not nice. Either a clot on the lung, the remaining adrenal gland not working or the chemo had damaged her in some way. They started testing. Day after day she didn't get any better. The test results came back on Thursday. No clot, adrenal gland working, hooray. Trouble was she was still feeling so ill. She still couldn't walk or breathe properly. Thursday afternoon they decided to do a blood transfusion as she was so very anaemic. She was so low and depressed. It was really scary. On Friday morning I spoke to her and she was just like her old self!! She said she felt great! She had one more bag of blood to go and then she wanted a lift to Essex about 100 miles away to see her grand-daughter in her school play!!! Rich picked her up and did the honours and see the play she did. I simply cannot believe the strength and determination that she has. If I had half of it, I would be proud.

She cannot have any more chemo as that last one nearly finished her off. She just has to get strong now and live her life. The doctors all say how well she has done to get this far. She has had most of the sessions so all that will help.

I just feel that things are going to be easier now. It has been a year and a half of hell. A lot of the time I haven't known which way is up really. Coping with all this and Yogi has tested me to my limits I think. Lesley, you are right, she is the Herbie of the human world!!

So, in order to prepare her for having Fudge back, we thought it would be easier if she had short hair (Fudge not mum :o)). This is the result.....
Not sure if she looks like a fox with mange or a goat maybe???

It will be 2 or 3 weeks before she can go home so hopefully it will have grown a bit by then :o) And mum will have forgiven us!!!!

Actually I think that she is much more comfortable in this heat without that great thick coat and mum does too (thankfully)

Larry didn't recognise her and growled when she came back. Then he has been moaning constantly about "women walking around in the buff - not right at all" :o)

Dr Larry to the Rescue.....

2008-07-20T08:12:00.002+01:00

When mum is feeling OK, she picks up the dogs from our house while we are at work to keep her company during the day. This is great for her (I think) and also great for the dogs. Larry seems to think that it is his job to keep her active. He will sit just behind her chair, just out of reach and start to make noises :o) She calls him, he stares at her and makes more noises. She has to then get up and stroke him, or give him a biscuit or play with him!!! He is turning into a spoiled brat and she is turning into his slave :o). Trouble is when he trys pulling that stunt at home. It doesn't work here. I would imagine its the same when kids go round to their grandparents and get spoiled rotten. Oh well, as long as he knows he can wrap my mum round his little paw but it won't work with me! Larry says he is just keeping her active....hmmmm. :o)

Tomorrow is chemo number 3 for mum providing the blood test was OK on Friday. We are dreading it a bit as after a few days she will NOT be feeling well at all. But she is doing so well to continue. If it was me, I am not sure that I would. Last week her temperature dropped down to 33. That I gather is nearly hypothermic!! It is a real worry each time she has a treatment as to how she will be.
There is light at the end of the tunnel. After this cycle, there is just one more to go. I gather that only one person that has been treated with this protocol at this hospital has ever completed the course. When mum finishes she will be the second one! Well done mum!!

The hospital have also completed their investigation following her misdiagnosis. They have apologised. The cancer was visible on Xray a year before they told her. Where we go from here I don't know. At the moment, we just need to concentrate on getting her through this and then well and not dwell on the past.
That's what Larry and Fudge say anyway :o)

2008-06-29T08:27:00.004+01:00

The last 4 weeks have been so difficult for my poor mum. She seems to have turned into a little old lady. The chemo has sapped her strength, her energy and sometimes she seems so very low which is frightening. For most of it she has been able to do absolutely nothing. Unable to walk with or look after Fudge. Unable to do things that we all take for granted like simple housework. Understandably she gets very low at times. She was supposed to start another cycle last Monday following a blood test to check that she was strong enough to take it. She wasn't. Her white cell count had dropped further and it was just too dangerous to inflict another bout of chemo on her already depleted immune system. She saw the oncologist who seemed rather surprised that she would even consider going back for more.

Fudge has more or less been permanently living with us for quite a while now. Mum keeps saying that Fudge sees our home as hers. I find that heartbreaking, she must feel like she has lost everything. Yes, Fudge is happy here with Larry, but when we take her back to spend the day at Mum's she gets so excited. She still knows that Mum is HER Mum. I guess that we should be grateful that she is such an adaptable little dog. I wish that she could resume her normal life back where she belongs with Mum though.

Yesterday Mum made a decision. I think that over the past week she has been feeling stronger and brighter. She says that if she is unable to have the chemo tomorrow, she is not going to continue. She doesn't want to feel ill any more. I have to say that I agree with her. It is scary but is it worth months and months of feeling terrible for such a small benefit? All we can do is support her decision and pray that whatever happens is for the best...

On a brighter note, here are some pics of the dogs on a recent weekend away. Larry, against explicit instructions not to, decided to take matters into his own paws and have a mud bath! He was just about covered from head to toe in brown gook. Since there was nowhere to wash him he had to stay like that til we got home :o) For days afterwards his coat had a pinkish tinge to it. In fact it still isn't quite back to his pristine white that it should be. Good old Larry :o)

The dark side ......

2008-06-09T17:37:00.002+01:00

Firstly, I need to apologise for staying away for rather a long time. I can only put it down to an incredibly low mood. Blogging when feeling that bad seemed almost too difficult.
It seemed to spiral downwards when we saw the oncologist and they said that mum needed chemo. The details that followed were not pleasant at all.
The chemo that mum needed was for the lung cancer. The breast cancer, they said needed no further treatment. The lung, as the cancer had spread (to the adrenals) needed to be blasted with chemicals so strong that they had the potential to wipe someone out completely. The oncologist had treated 5 people with this particular protocol. Only 1 had managed to finish the course! The actual drugs and the side effects were so aggressive that they are virtually intolerable (or so we were told) Furthermore, the only benefit is a 5% extra chance that the cancer will not return (I don't think that even means "ever" but for a reasonable amount of time). Mum being the tough cookie that she is, wants to take that "5%". We have to support that decision. Not sure if it is all that has happened lately but it sent me into a deep deep gloom. The thought of more illness, more suffering and more unknown was such a lot to contend with and I must admit I am not handling it well.
So, last Monday was D Day or C = Chemo day. An overnight stay while mum is pumped through with the most powerful drugs and then wait. The side effects started arriving the next day. Sickness being the worst. By Friday, she was blacking out, being sick and completely beside herself with distress. Back to hospital. They found her blood pressure through the floor and complete dehydration. I cannot fault the hospital, they took her straight in and got her on a drip. Gave her different medication for the nausea and got her feeling human again. What a scare though. Yesterday she was feeling brighter and more ready for today's onslaught. So, she now gets a week and a bit to recover and then more of the same. She is going to see how she feels at the end of this week and decide along with her doctors whether she can continue. She is very brave I am very scared. My fears seem to be coming true. I must try and be more positve but God, is it hard. Every little problem seems magnified these days.
So, that's why I haven't been blogging lately. When all seems so very black it's difficult to think straight. I am trying....hard.
Larry is doing his best to keep our spirits up. Don't know what I would do without him either. I wish that Yogi was here too......

Bank Holiday in Norfolk

2008-05-08T07:50:00.012+01:00

Over the last few months we have spent many of our weekends in Norfolk. Rich's parents live near there and it is only about one hour or so from where we live so very convenient for a quick getaway. I love it there especially the north Norfolk coast and I think it saved my sanity when Yogi and my mum were so ill.

So the last weekend with the prospect of lovely walks AND warm weather was an enticing thought. Unfortunately it seemed that was everyone else's idea too :o). Usually we don't see anyone on our walks, this time there was people EVERYWHERE! Quite a shock to the system. Still had a great time though.

We thought that we should take a friend for Larry so he doesn't get too used to being an only dog. So we borrowed Fudge off Mum for the weekend. It was lovely to have two dogs again. I still miss Yogi terribly but the pain is less raw now. I can think of him and smile and I never thought I would be able to do that again. I can also think of him and cry, but it's not that devastating out of control feeling that I used to have. I guess that's called acceptance.

On the Saturday we chose a walk of about 9 miles. Not too taxing since Norfolk is relatively flat but we knew it would take all day (with a stop at a local watering hole) Rich's mum and dad were also up for it. Not bad for a couple in their 70's!!!! The walk began at Burnham Overy and took in the stunning Holkham Hall and deer park then finished walking along the dunes back to Burnham. That was probably the toughest bit. Walking on sand is a bit like walking through treacle and the last couple of miles were quite hard on all of us even the dogs looked a bit pooped.

Walking through the deer park and around the hall was lovely. Beautiful grounds and incredible views. Then to get out there was a cattle grid. None of us could see a gate nearby to take the dogs through so the only way was to carry them over as I have seen dogs falling through and it could easily break one of their legs. That is my job (Rich has a dodgy back so best if he doesn't pick up heavy or awkward weights) so picked up Larry and began to teeter over. Larry weighs about 30 kilos so is not a light dog and although once up in the air I can manage I wouldn't say it's exactly easy. As I struggled across trying not to fall through the grid, an unbelievably selfish man in a car, obviously in a hurry couldn't wait and decided to cross the grid at the same time. I lost it a little and told him off a bit. Why is everyone in such a hurry all the time??? Anyway, then he waited until I put Larry down and went off. Went back for Fudge (another porky dog) and did the same again. By this time, I was red in the face and quite knackered. There was another man (not sure if he was a gate man) sitting in a chair by a shop. He had been watching it all. As I put Fudge down he piped up with "why didn't you use the gate over there?" Aaarrrggghhhh.....:o)))

Recovering my dignity we walked away and into a wood. Here there were two gorgeous horses in a field that I wanted to make friends with. Spent a lovely 10 minutes or so talking to them and stroking them. One was a skewbald mare and the other a lovely dark bay gelding. He looked very young and I wondered if he was her foal. They seemed friendly and enjoyed the fuss. I leaned forward as I wanted to see if they were shod (I am nosey like that) and all of a sudden, the mare sank her teeth into my back!!!! Boy was that painful. My fault entirely as I didn't really know her but......It gave everyone a good laugh though :o)

On Sunday we did another 8 miles around Holme and Hunstanton. I am SO impressed with Larry as he didn't seem stiff at all. He seems to be changing. He is calmer and doesn't seem so keen to have a go at anyone that comes near him. Maybe being an only dog suits him. I'm not sure. Which reminds me, I must do "part 2" of his story.

Holkham Hall

The deer park at Holkham

The horses. I should've known she was thinking evil thoughts when she was nibbling my bum!!!

The damage......

Nicholas Monaco

2008-05-05T18:00:00.003+01:00

I have heard today that Nicholas has just lost his Welsh Corgi, Skipper from lymphoma. He was only 4 years old. It seems that with this disease, age is no barrier.

My thoughts and prayers are with you Nicholas. I am so sorry to hear your news.

Thank you for your kind words about Yogi.

Cornwall

2008-04-28T19:48:00.014+01:00

Well, I have to say that the last week has been superb. Larry was a little star too! The house that we stayed in was a converted mill, very large and secluded. The only sounds were the birds and the cows. At night the sky was peppered with stars (no light pollution there).

Larry had a bit of trouble on the wooden floors so we spent the first couple of days positioning rugs like stepping stones to enable him to get from A to B. He got to grips with it eventually thankfully. But he LOVED the wetroom. Boy did he have some fun in there :o)

As for the weather, we couldn't have asked for better. Most days we were able to walk in t-shirts, eat outside and almost pretend it was summer. One day was drizzly but that's all. Perfect temperature for long walks i.e. not too hot for Larry. That dog has astounded me. I thought that as the week went on we would have to do shorter walks in case he stiffened up, but every day he was up for any walk we wanted. And they were tough walks. Steep gradients and some rough terrain to cover. Larry acted like a sprightly mountain goat! Acutally he put us to shame. My excuse is that I spend too much time sitting on my backside in front of a PC ;o)

The Mill was near Port Isaac, but we spent most of our time further south. We visited Lands End which is sadly now very commercialised. You even have to pay to have a photo taken by the Lands End sign! Sitting in the pub with a telephoto lens worked just as well and didn't cost a penny :o) Once off the beaten track though the coastline was stunning. Most of the walks we did followed the coastline and petered off into the countryside. My favourite walk I think was Prussia cove and Cudden point down in Mounts bay. I could almost see the smugglers dragging their contraband across the rocks into the coves. Quite amazing. We came across a little old lady driving her Toyota soft top down the lanes. She looked well into her 70's and seemed to be having a great time. Hopefully that'll be me in later years!!

We also went to the Seal Santuary down in Gweek. A wonderful day out to see some really worthwhile work AND dogs are welcome! Even a grump like Larry. He wore his muzzle and grumbled like anything at the noise the seals made. Think he enjoyed it really.

Something I have always wanted to do is ride a horse on the beach preferably at a gallop. And I did it...twice! What a feeling....absolutely thrilling!

And of course there was the lunches in beautiful old english pubs. The old cornish cyder was very nice too ;o)

The Mill House

Lizzie, one of the permenant residents at the Seal Sanctuary.

Waiting for feeding time for the seals!

Rocky, the sea-lion. Another permie

Overlooking Bude (I think)

Ray, a braindamaged seal with a thyroid disorder. Seemed a happy chappie despite his problems!

Hurry up with that fish!!!!

Bodicea, who tormented Larry in the underwater observatory by swimming right up to the glass and staring him out!

Taking a break at Lands End

Sitting up here I remember welling up with tears. Thinking and wishing Yogi was with me. Then I realised that had he been here, he would have been attempting to sky-dive off the top! That's when I knew that he WAS there and still making me laugh :o)

Spot the Collie :o)

Dougie the beach horse. Great fun and beautiful too!

.....And so to bed

I hope that he recovers by Friday as we are off to Norfolk!

Holiday time

2008-04-18T11:11:00.005+01:00

Knotted hankie at the ready....now, where's the beach?

Larry has decided that he needs a holiday. So tomorrow we are packing the car up and going to Cornwall for a week. We have found a beautiful converted mill near Bodmin moor. It has an enclosed garden and is surrounded by an orchard with a spring fed millpool. It really does look the perfect place to relax. It will be very strange going without Yogi but I hope not too sad. This will be the first time in about 12 years that we have been away with just one dog. Not having Yogi will be VERY different. For a start, the journey will be peaceful. Yogi was never a good traveller. I remember one holiday when we went to Wales. Yogi barked for the full 5 hours travelling time :o) Stressful? Yep, you bet it was. Since then we tried a variety of ways to keep him quiet. Hushers, cages, blacking out the car windows and even on occasion, tranquilisers as a last resort! Incidentally, we used to travel with ear plugs :o) The funny thing was that once we had reached our destination, I was loathe to take mine out. I liked the sort of muted sound of everything ;o). Last year I came accross the perfect solution. It was a kennel, enclosed on 3 sides, completely solid and made to measure for the car. It didn't roll about, creak or move. It was cosy and comfortable for both dogs. Yogi couldn't see out and so was quiet (ish) once he settled down. I wish that I had discovered that years ago. It was the best £400 I ever spent.

So, it will be a peaceful journey down to Cornwall. Well, almost. Larry "sings" a bit sometimes, but not too loudly thankfully. But I know I will miss my boy so very much.

I am looking forward to lots of walking, some pub lunches, a few visits to attractions like the seal sanctuary and I understand there is a donkey sanctuary nearby, maybe some riding and most of all.........some peace. It's not too much to ask is it?

C'mon Larry, lets get packing !!! And get that stupid hat off ;o)

Goodbye sweet Cole

2008-04-11T20:08:00.002+01:00

Cole lost her fight with lymphoma on Wednesday. My heart is breaking for Teresa, Kevin and Bridget. There is nothing I can say to help just now. Just know that my thoughts are with you all.

I am so very sorry to hear this news.

Thank you Graham, Prince and Tilly too!

2008-04-06T20:30:00.004+01:00

It is with a tinge (rather huge actually) of sadness that I read Graham's blog tonight. He has decided not to post so much any more. I completely understand his reasons and I hope that life gets better for him as he moves forward. He has been such an inspiration for me and loads of others as he wrote about Prince, Prince's illness and his new adventures with Tilly. Graham showed me that there was an outlet for the incredible waves of emotion and despair that go hand in hand while living through the hell of lymphoma. He also provided valuable information and support along the way.

Thank you Graham, Prince and Tilly! What a special family you all are. xxx

Moving on?

2008-03-31T20:23:00.003+01:00

Handh has just asked where we are moving too. Good question but since I have no idea, I can't really answer. I don't even know if the house will sell with the property market being what it is.

I don't know if it's all the "nasties" that have happened for what seems like such a long time or maybe it's just time for a change.
All I do know though is that without Yogi this house doesn't really seem like "home" any more. Larry is being superb but it still feels like there is something missing.

So, maybe, it's time to stop worrying about stuff and just see what happens.
A delightful estate agent (seems like a contradiction in terms doesn't it?) came round this evening who seemed to think the house will sell easily. But then they all say that don't they?
We shall see.
Perhaps it will be a new adventure?

British summertime...

2008-03-30T11:51:00.002+01:00

Not in Larry's book. He simply WILL NOT lose that extra hour that he believes he is entitled to. This morning, I needed to get up early. A thousand things to do with very little time to fit them all in. Estate agents are coming tomorrow and windows need to be cleaned, the house needs to be put back together after a mamouth round of decorating and in between that a family lunch. Does Larry see the urgency to GET MOVING? No.
Can't blame him. Slumber on Larry, you probably have exactly the right idea ;o)

Larry is back in business!

2008-03-28T18:18:00.004Z

This week has been a turning point. Larry is back in the land of the living and not just a dog who looks like he is about to give up. Right now he is lying near me as I type away. Cannot quite describe how happy that makes me. It started on Monday when he came up and pinched my sock. Since then he has never looked back. He has had a shower too! He loves to be showered and when he realised it was his turn, he was there! Each morning he has been up to perform "his dance" as well. At first, he would just pop up for the dance and then shoot downstairs again. Now, he is back to hanging about with the humans wherever they may be. What a result. I never realised losing Yogi would have such a devastating effect on him but it just goes to show how important the relationships are that dogs create with each other even if they don't show it like we do. Toys are back on his agenda too. Honky the pheasant has been pretty much redundant over the last month, now he is being shaken with the best of them!
I feel like I have my friend back again.....

Are we on a turning point too? A bit cautious to say the least but this week mum has written her complaint letter to the hospital and is out and about with Fudge and enjoying her "new" car. So she must be feeling more positive. We all clubbed together and bought her a newer car so that she and Fudge could enjoy a bit more comfort as they went about their business. Also, as it is more modern, the steering would be lighter for her following her mastectomy. Less than 2 weekes after the op she is driving again - amazing woman.

I am praying that we can all have a bit of peace and tranquility now.
Fingers crossed....

I have been reading a Angela and Ari's blog and you both seem to be having a tough time at the moment. Just so you know, I am thinking of you both and hoping things get better for you soon.

P.S. How can I be so useless?....I have just burnt spaghetti. Oh well, I'm sure some of it must be edible :o)

2008-03-24T14:02:00.002Z

Larry has just come upstairs!......and nicked one of my socks.
Everything is going to be OK :o)))

26 days later....

2008-03-22T18:49:00.003Z

Well, it's been 26 days since Yogi died. I cannot say that they are getting too much easier for me. Sometimes it's Ok and I can think of him without crying. Sometimes it is just so overwhelmingly painful.

People's reactions can be a bit off too. One "friend" said "oh well, you have another one don't you?" A couple of others have said things like "oh, what a shame, he was the nice one wasn't he?" Last night, one insensitive g!t said that Larry's behavioural issues should be dealt with with a shotgun!!! He was joking but......Rich made a comment along the lines of.. when your child behaves differently, would you shoot it? Wish I could remain so calm. I felt like punching his lights out.

But of course there is the other side of the coin where some people have been lovely and very understanding.

Larry seems to be doing better, he still won't come upstairs though. I so miss him doing the shower dance in the mornings. That is where he would grab the bathmat and fling it against the shower door in time to the water hitting it :o). Yesterday, Rich brought him up on the lead and dance he did. As soon as the water was turned off though, he shot back downstairs. Maybe it will just take some time. He is playing more and I think Fudge being about is helping him. She is going back to Mum's on Monday and I wonder how he will be then....I think it will be another period of adjustment for him.

Since I am "Billy No Mates" this weekend, (Rich is off at some weirdo's convention - well a jazz /rock concert in Wales :o)) I am going to veg out on the sofa with my easter eggs, a glass of wine, my furry friends and settle down to watch Ashes to Ashes. Philip Glenister aka Gene Hunt is my hero just now....

Larry eating the insensitive g!t ......or is it just wishful thinking :o)Anyone for dessert?????

My beautiful baby who we all miss so very much.....

St Patrick's day 1989 - Remembering Monty

2008-03-17T20:23:00.004Z

Today is St Patrick's day. 19 years ago to the day that I met my very first rescue dog. It is a strange story and once again it makes me believe that dogs choose their owners and not the other way around.
I had been helping out at a local rescue centre for a couple of years, fostering elderly and feral cats. The centre dealt mainly in felines but never turned away a dog in need either. I had a call from a woman who had seen a dog from her window. He had been laying under the lampost for over an hour and she was worried. She had called the dog warden who informed her that he had been chasing after a dog of that description for a few days but had been unable to catch him. By the time she called me, the dog warden I guess was "off duty" and had all but given up the chase. The woman was reluctant to approach the dog as although he didn't seem aggressive, she was nervous. She asked me to come along and see if I could do anything. It was a cold night I remember it so clearly) and armed with a lead, some food and a bit of dutch courage since I didn't have that much experience of dogs, I wandered along to see if I could help. The dog was still laying under the lampost almost as if he was waiting for something. I wasn't sure how to approach him/her so I stood still for a moment and then called. More or less immediately, he got up and wandered towards me. As he approached I let him sniff my hand, he seemed friendly enough, didn't appear to be hurt so I slipped a lead over his neck. He just stood and watched me. The woman seemed relieved and returned to her house. I was left standing like a lemon with a dog that I had no idea what to do with on a freezing cold night! First daft thought was that maybe he was lost, perhaps if I walked around with him he might lead me to his home. We wandered, he sniffed but took me absolutely nowhere. I decided we couldn't keep wandering aimlessly so thought I had better take him home with me. I had a house full of cats and it was late at night. I didn't want to just let him in in case there was carnage. So next best thing for him was to make him a warm bed in the shed. I got a load of coats and blankets and some warm food and settled him in. He seemed remarkably calm and took to being snuggled in the shed really well. I decided to call the police and see if anyone had reported him lost. They hadn't. So a sleepless night was spent a) going to check on him and b) wondering what to do with him. He was a Lab x, quite big and probably about 8 or 9 years old. He was gorgeous....Rich had been working late and met him on one of the forays outside. They bonded instantly and I knew that I was lost. Even better, in the morning I let him out of the shed in the garden, he came straight to the patio doors and just calmly looked in - while the cats stared out at him :o). There was no barking and I suppose because of that, the cats were not nervous. It seemed too good to be true. OK so now we wanted him to stay. We had to wait a month before he could be officially classed as ours. What a nightmare that was. Each day praying that no-one claimed him. No-one did and once the four weeks were over we could relax. He was a superb dog, no major hang-ups, perfect manners and amazing off the lead. We couldn't have wished for an easier induction into canine care.
A few weeks later a neighbour stopped and said that they recognised him. They said his name was Rocky and he belonged to a man who had had him from a pup. The man, who lived locally, had taken on a German Shepherd who had more or less pushed Monty/Rocky out. The weird thing was, that from time to time we saw this man and his new dog, Monty never once looked at him and he never once looked at Monty.
Monty was a superb dog, travelled everywhere, introduced us to many beautiful walks and became a huge part of the family. Even the cats loved him.
He spent 6 very happy years with us, then he suddenly became ill and was diagnosed with liver cancer. It was very quick and very devastating. But boy, did he teach us a lot about dog care.
Since Monty, the dogs have become more challenging but equally lovely in their own right. All of them have had so much to give and so much to teach.
Thank you Monty, you were one very special hound.

I have an award!!!

2008-03-11T20:35:00.004Z

I am so pleased! Alison very kindly (and not quite sure why :o)) has nominated me for this. Thank you Alison - you make me smile too. I want to award this to everyone who has supported me in the last few months. Not all of you have blogs of your own but I don't think that matters, you have all been and are fantastic.

Linda

Lesley

Handh

Graham Prince and Tilly too!!

Angela

Elizabeth

Dogga, Thank you for visiting, your blog has made me chuckle loads.

Other news from the front.....

Mum has had her operation today and has responded brilliantly. She is wide awake, not in too much pain and having a laugh. Which is superb. Or should I say a miracle? She may need another op if the cancer had gone to the lymph nodes but we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

Larry is still struggling I think. He used to play all the time with Yogi and considering he is a rather unsociable dog (to put it mildly) that was quite amazing. I think he is missing his buddy more than he cares to admit. He still won't come upstairs which is a real shame. He does seem a little more lively with Fudge here to stay though. I think we all just need time to adjust.

I have had a shock of my own but better now. The day after Yogi died, I found a lump in my breast. Couldn't believe it and must admit I felt rather numb and sort of "I don't really care what happens now". Anyway, I went to the doctors who referred me straight away to the hospital. A miracle in itself as I thought the waiting time was weeks not days. Yesterday I had an appointment with the surgeon who told me they were fine, just cysts. Must admit, I didn't feel that numb when they stuck the needle in!!! All is fine now though, a little smaller in the "upstairs" department. But generally relieved.

Today is the first day I have been able to talk about Yogi without a breakdown. That's a first.

Graham, your advice about wailing, I have been taking it, yes, it does help

I have just visited Teresa's blog, how my heart is going out to you. You are one strong lady but you probably don't feel it right now. My thoughts are with you, Cole and Bridget.

Life without Yogi....

2008-03-05T20:28:00.003Z

....Is hell. I can't describe it in any other way. He was so full of life and such a massive part of our lives. He has left the most unbelievable open wound.

When we first said goodbye, in a way there was a sense of relief in as much as no more worrying, no more checking, no more wondering when it would happen. Plus the incredible grief that went with it. Now, everything just seems so final. His ashes are back, there is nothing left anymore. In Norfolk it seemed easier somehow. Surrounded by people and other distractions. Larry seemed OK too. Back at home everything just feels so empty. I'm not sure if Larry is depressed. He hasn't ventured upstairs at all and just seems happy to sleep in his basket. He still wants to walk though. It could be his hips are sore (he has arthritis and hip displacia). I have upped his medication but so far it hasn't made any difference. I will give it a little more time and then take him to see John. I am trying to put a brave face on it but really struggling. I need to because I can't afford to sink. Mum is having a mastectomy next week and I have to stay strong. Not doing so well today. I now (in Handh's words) have a soggy keyboard again.

2008-02-28T08:08:00.002Z

I wanted to say a huge collective Thank You to all of you for you lovely messages and kindness for us at this time. It reallly does mean so much to both of us. Your support really has been invaluable over the last few months. It has really kept us going when things seemed so black.
Yogi has left a massive gap in our lives and the pain is very raw. But like you have all said, in time he will be remembered with smiles and not sadness. I expect that for you Graham, Lesley and Linda, it will have brought back the awful memories of your losses of Prince and Watson, and for you Handh, it will worry you deeply for Herbie. For that I am so sorry. But I was so touched that you thought to post his picture on your own blogs and mark his passing in such a special way.

We are going to Norfolk for a couple of days to lick our wounds. I don't think it will do any of us including Larry much good to stay in the house just now.

Elizabeth, you are so right, heaven DOES have a new angel. How I wish that angel was here with me.

Journey's end.

2008-02-26T11:19:00.004Z

This is the most heartbreaking post I have ever had to write. Earlier today we had to say goodbye to Yogi. The glands in his neck swelled so much that they were preventing him from eating. One side of his face was completely hard and disfigured. This happened overnight. I can't describe the pain of making this final decision for him and then seeing it through. But I guess that you just know when the time is right to let him go.

John and Allyson were superb with him (and us) and were there to help him on his way. The last thing he did was kiss our tears away.

He fought it so hard. When I think about how he was when he was first diagnosed, we thought that he wouldn't last the week. But he did fantastically and his courage shone through even when ours was failing. Brave little dog.

Right now I feel as if my heart has been ripped from my body. Words seem so inadequate. All I can say is that I feel I have lost my best friend, companion and yes, my baby.

I know that there are a number of you who read this, that will be heartbroken too. But maybe without all the love, support and good wishes he wouldn't have gone on as long as he did. Thank you.

I believe that he will go on to somewhere better but also in some way still be with us in spirit.

Run free Little Bear, thank you for sharing your life with us.

Fuming with anger !

2008-02-21T20:39:00.004Z

I have just taken Larry out for his evening stroll and yet again, completely unprovoked he has been attacked by a dog flying out of someone's house while he was on his lead!!! This is the 5th time in just over a year that one of my dogs has been attacked in this way. I cannot believe he absolute stupidity of some people when it comes to dog care. This time fortunately he was not hurt, just very traumatised. The dog is question was a Jack Russell, he managed to grab hold of Larry round the neck and just hang on. The owner came rushing out and pulled the dog off but poor Larry was scared witless. Lots of fur missing but no broken skin thankfully. Last year Larry was very badly mauled by a Dalmatian and I have been bitten trying to protect Yogi. I have had enough. Time to think about moving I feel.

Birthday boys.

2008-02-19T18:44:00.004Z

Today is a very special day. It's Yogi's 7th un-official birthday (he is probably about 9 years old) and Rich's official xxth birthday. Happy Birthday guys!! 7 years ago today on holiday in Shropshire with Max, we decided to return early (about 6am!) and go and look for a playmate for him. We had recently said goodbye to Spook a very old greyhound x who had been with us for just over a year. His was a very sad story, he was left at the RSPCA when his owner died and the family didn't want him any longer. So at a very old age virtually blind and very deaf the poor thing had to start again. What a character he was too! Fate led us to a rehoming kennel nearby where a very grumpy man told us they were shut and would not open until later. So we just waited.....Eventually they agreed to let us see the dogs. Horrible. I couldn't really go in and look round as it was too distressing. The kennels were miserable, damp, dark and cold. The first kennel on the left was Yogi or Bracken as they called him. Since I really could go no further we asked to take him out. All he had to do (in my book) was to get on with Max. He did if you can judge "getting on" by a five minute walk. So then it was the interview. On learning our circumstances i.e. we were both working, the more amiable woman said that Yogi was completely unsuitable. He was picked up as a stray, they had unsuccessfully rehomed him twice. He couldn't settle with either owner (one was even a vet), he had separation anxiety, chased cats, not housetrained and all sorts of other issues apparently. But as he sat there quietly with his body pressed against my leg I would have begged them to let us take him. Eventually she agreed. In a way, I think she was glad to see the back of him. Strangely, he came complete with tight green harness attached to his body. I wondered about that and then wondered no more when I finally managed to remove it. Obviously once it was on there was no way anyone was going to get it off. I still wonder how they ever got it on! He appeared to have never had a lead on or been for a walk in his entire life. He was like an unguided exocet! His separation anxiety was quite incredible, he would rugby tackle legs if anyone was about to leave and bounce and wee as soon as anyone came back. Relatively easy to cure though. Over the years he has calmed down through patience, expert advice and routine. How I wish people would give dogs a chance before giving up on them.
I am so grateful that he chose to live with us. I believe that dogs choose their owners and not the other way around. He is a wonderful dog with a beautiful nature and the best companion anyone could wish for.
Happy Birthday my Little Bear.

Bittersweet Days

2008-02-18T13:30:00.006Z

Well, Yogi did get to Norfolk but sadly couldn't stay. We had to bring him home late on Saturday night because he seemed to be uncomfortable and was unable to control his bladder. Ken and Shirley, Rich's Mum and Dad were absolutely FANTASTIC about it and said that it was no problem at all. But we were distressed about it all the same and I would imagine that Yogi picked up on our distress. He is also struggling to poo. He does, but it's a big effort and I think that it is causing him some discomfort. The thing is, on a walk he looks completely normal. Not as much energy as he used to have but he can do 7 or 8 miles and run and play with the best of them. It's just that when he is not walking it is so apparent that he's not at all well. In many ways I wish that it was more clear cut.

Anyway, he is happier at home and the cool tiled floors help him I think.

Today I took him to see John. He has agreed that we should cut down on the steroids as with Yogi getting up every 2 hours he is not getting enough rest. There is a very fine line between the quality and quantity of his life. Now we just need to go for quality. He also examined his tummy which is a bit sore when pressed. This is due to his internal glands pressing on his intestines which in turn make it difficult for him to poo.

BUT he did have a superb day on Saturday by the sea and on Sunday on a walk at home. So here are some pictures. These are on a walk from Holme Next the Sea to Old Hunstanton, a beatiful walk following the beach nearly all the way. Of course, once at Hunstanton there was a brief interlude at the pub....

On Sunday we walked along the Nene way, the weather was superb and the ground was nice and crisp from the frost. Yogi hasn't been swimming since November, there seems no point in curtailing his favourite activities any longer so once again it was fantastic to see him throw himself into the lake after a stick or his pink ball.

Yogi was a little exuberant while jumping up for a stick, he misjudged his leap and this is the result of his teeth connecting with my arm (through 2 fleeces). By the way, he is NOT a biter or harmful in any way. But it does go to show the damage that can be done unintentionally by dogs teeth....I call it a little love bite from a big bear :o)

Feeling brighter....

2008-02-13T17:27:00.002Z

Well, it seems like the little man is feeling better so (hopefully) he will go to the ball (or Norfolk) this weekend.
He doesn't seem to be so uncomfortable as he was with his weeing. As far as I can tell, there has been no blood in it. He seems generally bouncy and keen to live life to the fullest. Along with his humungous appetite, he wants to play and doesn't appear to be quite as clingy as he has been. That is a relief as when those soulful eyes just look at me, I'm lost - literally.
The steroids are making him drink loads and we have had a few accidents overnight and during the day even with mum coming round just about every hour or two. Now though I think that's due to steroids rather than the cystitis. Just have to get the visit timing right and it will be better.
His glands don't seem to be much bigger either, so all in all we feel a bit better too.
Looking forward to getting away again and having some fun on the beach with the boys.
Monday was probably the worst day of all, I had to organise his cremation in case the worst came to the worst. Truly, truly horrible. I hope we can forget about that for a long time to come.

Yogi's day out

2008-02-11T17:54:00.000Z

On Sunday we wanted to do something special for Yogi. There is a walk in Hertfordshire (where we used to live) that is probably one of my favourite walks of all time. So although he has done this walk many times before, it is still special to everyone. We have walked it for over 20 years with various dogs. It changes through the seasons but always has a kind of "good atmoshphere" about it. Although it can't be described as local any more, it is still worth the 80 odd mile round trip. The walk is around Ayot St Lawrence, home of the playwright George Bernard Shaw. It's about 7 miles long and takes in water meadows, woods, fields, a church, a village and personal points of interest such as "the face of the moon" (lumpy bumpy bridleway) leading to "Hunters Bridge" (filmed for scenes in Band of Brothers) and "bat alley" (walk at dusk, throw pebbles in the air and watch the bats divebomb them) and of course the pub :o).
The first time we walked it, we were fairly novice walkers. We thought it would be good to get a book of local walks. These tend to be pretty vague to say the least, but if you follow them in daylight you should just about find your way around. The first time we did this walk was a beautiful summers evening. We took a wrong turn about a third of the way around but eventually found our way to the Brocket Arms, the local. After a few pints too many and not realising that evening was drawing in we wandered off onto what seemed like "the face of the moon" in the dark and trying to follow a well used bridleway, well, that's what it felt like....The only way we could read the book was by Rich's lighter which selfishly ran out after about 30 mins. I had pictures of waiting for daylight huddled up in the woods with just Monty to keep warm :o) Eventually we found our way back though. I think all in all the walk took about 7 hours, was the middle of the night before we reached civilisation :o).
Yesterday the weather was like a perfect spring day, we started off pretty early and took time to enjoy all the different landscapes and views. Then settled in the pub for a while :o) Dogs had crisps, we had Abbot ale and very nice it was too. The proprietor of the pub is Toby Wingfield Digby who has been a very genial host over the last couple of decades. When we had sociable dogs, they were welcomed by the massive fireplace to chat to the locals. Now it's the garden, but still as welcoming. Yogi had a great day I so hope he has many more.

.....and then came the beers :o)

2008-02-09T11:17:00.000Z

Here he is looking gorgeous as ever....

No more chemo

2008-02-09T06:54:00.000Z

Sadly it's the end of the line as far as chemo goes. This week Yogi had his chemo as usual on Monday, his glands were still up and I think were larger than last week. He has also started getting enlarged glands elswhere in his body. On Tuesday he started to look slightly uncomfortable where wee'ing is concerned. As the week wore on, it got worse, to the point where he is unable to control his bladder at all. He has been staying at Mum's during the day so that he can be let out whenever he needs to. Yesterday we took him to see John who confirmed our worst fears that chemo was no longer working and it was actually having side effects. The endoxana has caused cystitis and was making him very uncomfortable. Prince had this too and I know that it tore Graham apart watching him try to wee and be unable to. I think that we knew this was the news we were going to receive and it was heartbreaking. For now he is going to stay on Pred to make him feel well.
He is still bright in himself so all we can do is make whatever time he has left as happy as possible. He had a fantastic time in Norfolk so he is going back there next weekend providing he is well enough.
Mum is doing brilliantly. I don't know what I would have done without her to be able to look after Yogi this week. She has bounced back after the op so much better than I thought she would. She has another in a few weeks.
This weekend we are going to walk and walk and walk. Yogi loves getting out and about and that is what we all need - to feel we are doing exactly what he wants.

By the seaside......

2008-02-01T19:12:00.000Z

Since we all need a break, the seaside is the ultimate place to relax. So we have encroached on the in-laws for a couple of days. For some reason they seem delighted :o) Their cat has been consigned to the bedroom and we have invaded their space with all our paraphernalia but all is well and we feel VERY welcome. So armed with a glass of wine and some snacks we are planning a lengthy walk for tomorrow. "Take in the coast" is my only demand (Yogi and Larry love the sea ) and I hope that the weather holds reasonably well so it can be enjoyed by all.
We are staying near Norfolk by the way. Can't wait to smell that salty air tomorrow.

Chemo, Chemo, Chemo....

2008-01-30T02:41:00.000Z

I'm not sure which week are are in for Yogi's chemo now, just that he needs it each week. His glands are still up and he has now been on antibiotics for almost 3 weeks. He seems well in himself which is a good sign, but the fact that his glands are still enlarged is not the best news we had hoped for.
He is also having blood tests each week to check his white cell count. These were down slightly on Monday but still within a reasonable range.
Not too sure what else to say except that I am swinging from despair to something representing fairly normal on a very regular basis. I know I need to stay positive for him but it is SO VERY VERY difficult. Right at this moment it's impossible.

Fun Monday!

2008-01-28T18:06:00.000Z

OK, Monday's are not always that much fun so ....AOJ has decided to make it so....http://aojthelurchers.blogspot.com/ This is her challenge -

"For today's Fun Monday, continuing in the spirit of "being interested in people", I would like to know, or see, what's on, in or under your bedside table! So open those draws and bare your soul to us! Is there anything special there that has a story or a memory that you can tell us about? Books that you keep there to delve into from time to time? Trinkets that you don't know where else to put? Let's see!"

This is my bedside table.....

Not brave enough to photograph what is in the drawers since bedside table also doubles as underwear drawer....

On top lives a very ancient teddy bear named Bandy. He is about 51 years old. He was given to my mother originally then handed down to my brother when he was born, then he handed him to me. He is the only toy that I have kept since childhood. He travelled everywhere with me until he became too delicate and customs seemed too interested (he is now falling apart a bit and his repeated stitching makes him suspect apparently) He has been to Mexico, America, Canada a number of places in Europe and all over the UK. He is now a brown colour because he was baked in his younger days. I felt he was cold, put him in the oven, Mum turned it on....he was baked. I was only little though. Wouldn't do that now of course :o)

There is also my latest read - a dog psychology book by my Guru, Cesar Millan. An absolute star with problem dogs of which I have 2.

I have not actually mastered the phone, it's new and to date I have cut off calls, not replied to messages and generally been useless. Must read the instructions....

The crystals in the pot and around the table are there to help me sleep, relieve stress and live in the now. Not sure what the individual ones do, but I just like them.

In the top drawers are mainly underwear. Some nice, some functional. Not up for scrutiny though :o)

Bottom drawer holds some bits and pieces such as old cassettes, clothes brush and a note book. Last note to self read "do NOT blow dry fringe after applying mascara - your eyelashes will fuse"

...And of course the remote control for the sound system. I like to go to sleep to music and it must be just at the right level.

Rainbow Bridge

2008-01-27T16:20:00.000Z

OMG...I have just visited the Rainbow Bridge site...all I did was read the poem...in pieces now....http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm
Really should stay away from these things at the moment.

Yogi's day....

2008-01-27T14:20:00.000Z

Yogi's prescription for today....Walk loads, have fun and get knackered :o)

So that's what we did and it was brilliant.

The pack were loaded up into the car and taken to Woodnewton, a tiny little village in Northamptonshire with spectacular scenery. Coco the Clown is buried in the churchyard there. Seems a fitting place to visit with Yogi :o)

Here are some pictures of his day.....

We also saw 3 Red Kites - I believe that these are fairly rare and have recently been re-introduced to this area....pretty amazing to see. Not sure that these snaps do it justice unfortunately. Blue sky looks superb though :o)

Attitudes....

2008-01-26T14:52:00.000Z

The last couple of months have probably been the most difficult, painful and downright scary months that I have had since....well... a long long time. I get cross with myself for not dealing with it better, beating myself up for all sorts of things like reactions and generally feeling not really "on top of the world". BUT then something happens or someone says something and I realise that really I am lucky in so many ways. Even through the sh*tty times, there are good times too. This is what I am talking about.
Yogi is an absolute tower of strength. He NEVER lets anything get him down. His glands may be up like bowling balls but what does he want? Love and food and play. In a nutshell he wants happy times.
This morning he wanted to go running on the football pitch in the village, he wanted his pink ball to chase - it has to be pink, no other colour will do. Orange or yellow do NOT fit the bill. So pink it is. He runs, he chases and he has fun. So fantastic to watch. There is a dog who is "living in the moment" nothing will take away his happiness for that moment. I learn from that. His little face when he "catches" the ball, when he brings it back to be thrown again and also when he is tired but happy. He is not thinking "what if" or any of the other crap that goes through my mind, he is just purely happy. The only time he looks unhappy is when I feel it and even then he tries to change it.
My Mum said something to me today when I was losing the plot a bit over Yogi. I said that I felt "we were just waiting for the inevitable" she said "but we are all waiting for the inevitable, no matter when or how, sometime it will happen and you can't let that stop the good times now" So wise and so profound. I am going to try very hard to take her attitude on board.

She is doing brilliantly. She is home today and feeling well. Fudge should be home with her tomorrow. That little dog is missing her mum badly. Whenever I bring some washing back, she sticks her head in the machine to sniff for as long as I will let her :o)She wants her mum back too.

2008-01-19T07:33:00.000Z

Where do I begin.......
OK, I'll start with the good stuff.
Mum is doing brilliantly. This hospital has been superb in EVERY way. The operation went smoothly with absolutely nothing going wrong. The pain was well managed and the care exceptional. She is recovering quickly and also at last seems more positive. More importantly she seems proud of herself too. As she should. She has been through so much and also has so much to go through I can't imagine how she deals with it. Well done Mum!
We are picking her up today and she is going to stay with my brother and his family for a week or so. I am sure that she will be reunited and walking with Fudge soon.

On Thursday, I did my regular examination of Yogi and to my absolute horror, found that his glands had swollen again. They were huge. It seemed that they came up in a matter of hours. He seemed well in himself though. He is due for a round of chemo on Monday but I thought I should call the vet and check whether he should be seen to perhaps have it early. John wasn't on so spoke to another one who told me that as long as he was OK in himself that he should wait until Monday to be seen. On Friday (yesterday) he still seemed well but was coughing quite badly so called John and took him in straight away. We were told that it MAY be an infection but more likely that the drugs were not working so well. He is now on antibiotics as his immune system is already compromised and to add another dose of chemo which will bring it down even more could be dangerous. Today he still seems well and is eating heartily but that old familiar feeling of dread is lurking dangerously within me.
We talked about the treatment options going forward and it probably means going back to weekly treatments. But we will see how he responds on Monday.

How I wish that I could write a blog that was purely positive......

Thank You!

2008-01-11T07:26:00.000Z

I just wanted to say a big "Thank You" for all the kind messages.It really means so much to me. It feels like I have a lovely little support network and I really appreciate it especially when I know that not all of you are having a great time either.

We are going to complain, the treatment has been unbelievably bad - not all of it though. But there are some departments who have been completely negligent.

Graham, I expect you know this already, but you have a fantastic Mum.

Today I am taking Mum for a scan and then Monday is operation day.

Yogi had his 9th chemo on Monday and once again did very well. I had noticed that he seemed a little tired towards the end of last week but he seems to have bounced back since his treatment.

Thank You xxx

Another day, another bombshell

2008-01-05T10:56:00.000Z

I haven't been blogging that much lately partly because sometimes it's been a bit tough to see the brighter side of life and although helpful to jot it down I don't want to dwell too much if I can help it.
But for the record, this is where we are now.
I went to see the lung surgeon with Mum on Thursday to see where we go from here with her cancer and also to get the results of the adrenal removal. The good news is that they will operate (there was some doubt after the adrenal op) then I found out that the hospital had known about the lung cancer for a year and hadn't done anything about it. When she had the bowel cancer op at the beginning of 2007, she had some trouble breathing, they thought she may have pneumonia. They xray'd and told us that the xray was clear. Then a letter when she was diagnosed THIS time stated that the "cancer had grown slightly". Yet NO-ONE had told her or us that there was anything wrong at all. Shocked, devastated and very angry I think just about describes it. If it had been dealt with then, perhaps the cancer wouldn't have spread so much. Mum has known since November when she was first diagnosed but had chosen not to tell us as she felt it would be too much to take. I think that was wrong because a) it is bad for her to keep things bottled up. b) we all need to know what we are dealing with. But anyway, it is her choice and she must deal with things as she wants to. Having said that, I think she is relieved it's all out in the open now.
My first instinct was litigation, it was pure negligence on their part that it has gone this far. Now that the dust has settled somewhat and having talked it through I am wondering what good it would do. We are where we are and we must deal with it. It would probably just add more stress onto a difficult situation and it wouldn't do Mum any good. So is there any point? I don't know.
So, next week Mum is going into hospital to have the lung op. She is terrified and so are we.

On a lighter note the boys are keeping our spirits up. Larry has decided that Christmas was all too much what with all the disruption to routine, celebrations and having a "woman" in the house (Fudge). He prefers an all male domain really, well, apart from me ;o) and has taken to his bed. Actually, he spends most of his time lounging around in his basket and he is probably the laziest collie I have EVER known. He is doing his Greta Garbo routine at the moment and just about saying "I vont to be alone" :o). No doubt he will get over it by about February - he usually does. I wonder if he suffers from SAD syndrome?
Yogi is the opposite, he loves everything and accepts changes readily with incredible enthusiasm. As long as he can be included he's up for it! He is still madly in love with "Honky" and takes him everywhere. All of a sudden he will collapse in a heap and start sucking his toy, going into a little contented trance. Fantastic to watch. His eyes stay sort of open but they seem to sink and be unfocused. I guess that's his meditation time. We never disturb him when he's doing that :o)

Yogi is going in for chemo on Monday. Now providing all is well, he will have a session every two weeks for two months. He is such a tough little devil that I'm sure he will be fine. Fingers crossed....

P.S Toothache turned out to be some sort of infection so on antibiotics at the moment, they have promised some sort of drilling experience on Monday. Root canal - here we come :o)

Christmas Toys

2008-01-01T19:18:00.000Z

The boys simply LOVED their "Honky Pheasants"!

Happy New Year!

2008-01-01T18:31:00.000Z

Well, despite my usual misgivings, the last week has been a good one.
We got off to a rather shaky start when Mum was re-admitted to hospital on Christmas eve. Christmas eve and Christmas day was mostly spent hacking up and down the M1 to the hospital either waiting to see a doctor or waiting for results and then finally bringing her home late on Christmas evening. It turned out that she was dehydrated with very low blood pressure and things were not "moving" as they should (politely speaking). I think that she was let out far too early I guess because of the holiday. But we have learned a valuable lesson and I hope she will not have to go through this again. So eventually, we had Christmas on Boxing day and it was a lovely day too. Yogi, Larry, Fudge and Tilly (my brothers little Cocker Spaniel pup) enjoyed a more relaxed atmosphere and everyone was in good spirits. They all got loads of pressies, which mostly are still in one piece! And all behaved impeccably!
Yogi is backi in fine form so we thought we would see how he managed a long yomp again. He hasn't had a really long walk since he was ill so a brisk 7 miles around Pitsford resevoir did us all the world of good. He was as enthusiastic as he has always been and made sure that it was a route march and not a gentle stroll for anyone :o) Great fun to be back to normal with him.
We went to stay with Rich's parents who live near the Norfolk coast and spent this morning happily splashing in the waves with Larry and Yogi. Well, they were happily splashing and we were desperately trying to stay dry! Not entirely successful as Rich sort of fell in...."chilly" I think he mentioned :o)
Allyson came up trumps with a truly thoughtful Christmas pressie. It was a picture of Yogi at the vets that she had had framed looking relaxed, happy and heartstoppingly gorgeous. When I opened it I must say I welled up a little. Best present in the world.
Today I am feeling a little sorry for myself, I woke up with the most excrutiating toothache (I think I may even be suffering more than Graham did with "man flu" - but maybe not :o)) So I have loaded myself up with painkillers and am going to try and get an emergency appointment at the dentist in the morning. Deep joy :o)
Happy New Year everyone !

Yogi is in Remission!!!!

2007-12-24T17:27:00.000Z

We have just been officially told !
Well done Yogi...
Merry Christmas everyone!

1 down, 2 to go.....

2007-12-22T18:18:00.000Z

Mum had her operation to remove her adrenal gland on Wednesday. She had a bit of a "funny turn" with the anaesthetic. They thought that she may have a heart attack so kept her in recovery all night to monitor her. It was quite worrying because I was ringing the hospital every hour or so just to be told that she hadn't returned from recovery yet. Eventually the ward put me through to recovery and they tried to explain that she may have an ischaemic event. Very worrying. All we could do was wait. By the morning, all seemed to be OK. Visited her and she seemed fairly bright. Even better, the next day she was to be discharged. When I went to pick her up, she didn't look well at all. She felt very sick, and was in some pain. OK, so how do I get a poorly woman accross the hospital to the car? The porter wasn't able to help (I gather he had a hangover). They said I could borrow a wheelchair. Great! The one they gave me was like a duff supermarket trolley with three wheels that worked and one that didn't. The only advice they could offer was that if I was about to collide with a wall or person - stop!! Off we went in a rather higgledy piggledy fashion. By this time I am afraid I had the giggles, probably a touch of nervous tension. Poor mum I think felt even worse by the time we had reached our destination.
This morning she was feeling really ill so I called the emergency doctor. They told me that it may be that the painkillers weren't suiting her or that the remaining adrenal gland wasn't working so bring her in. After a 2 hour wait, we saw a lovely doctor who examined her and did feel it was the tablets. So he gave her some different ones and something for the sickness. If she isn't feeling well tomorrow she has to go back for tests. I have just spoken to her and she thinks she feels a little better. So fingers crossed there is nothing more sinister going on.

Lesley, I am so impressed with your mum having a major op at 80! It has reminded me that I shouldn't expect miracle recoveries when the patient is older. I think I forget that sometimes.

You are right, God did give us dogs to make us smile. Yogi and Larry have been doing just that. This morning I think that they were acting out a scene of the old TV show Gladiators. There was a game where 2 contestants would stand on a pole and knock 7 bells out of each other with a weapon. Today, Larry had the "teddy" (weapon) and Yogi had to go for his front legs while Larry beat him on the head with it! They went on for ages - well until Yogi was tired and Larry felt he had won. He always has to win - that's the rules.....:o)

2007-12-18T20:37:00.000Z

What a day! Firstly, Mum has developed a streaming cold. I don't think they like to operate when someone has a cold ? Not sure if a head cold counts or whether it has to be anything worse? She has been on the phone to nurses on and off all day, but not one of them has mentioned how awful she sounds ! Mum won't ask as she just wants it done and over with. No idea what I should say or do. She was supposed to go into hospital this evening for her op tomorrow. All was arranged that we would get her to Leicester by 7pm. At about 5pm the hospital had called her to say they didn't have a bed until the morning. How the hell can they work like that? Now we have to take her in at 6am. Not a problem but its just another night of worry (especially now that she has a cold to add to her woes). What worries me even more is that she is supposed to have the operation tomorrow (they can't tell her what time exactly) but there was NO MENTION at all that she shouldn't eat after a certain time!!!! I can't believe it. She has decided that she won't eat or drink after midnight (based on previous experience) but how can they not tell someone? This whole thing is just unbelievable. The reason she has had to wait so long for this operation in the first place is down to a lack of communication between hospitals - she is being treated by two and one didn't think to chase the other to arrange treatment. I shouldn't knock the NHS because on the whole in the past they have been pretty good. But this time there has been a number of problems. It worries me that as she is not young, is she not getting the best treatment?
I am crossing everything possible that all is OK tomorrow....

7th Chemo

2007-12-17T18:35:00.000Z

This session turned out to be pretty uneventful really which is a blessing. Yogi was a bit louder than he has been, but they gave him a plate of food that seemed to do the trick.
All went smoothly and he was home by 12.30.
As always on chemo day, his appetite increases by about 1000% then decreases slightly for the rest of the week. Sometimes I can't believe that his little tummy can hold that amount of food.
We have just been for our sprint round the village and now I am pretty frozen. I think a long soak in the bath is the order of the day. Larry and Yogi insist on this being a group activity so it's not always the most relaxing of persuits. Larry likes to chase every splash and ripple obsessively as collies do, Yogi likes to watch Larry as if to say "what the hell do you find so interesting?". It makes me laugh though. Showers are even more fun for Larry. Then he excells himself and does the shower dance with the bath mat ;o)

Worrying times

2007-12-15T12:35:00.000Z

This week it's my Mum worrying me and not Yogi. She is going into hospital on Tuesday to have her adrenal gland removed. this is one of the areas her cancer has spread to. I was under the impression that she would have her adrenal gland removed, then the portion of her lung that is cancerous and then her breast. And then possibly very naively, I thought that she would be more or less OK. Possibly needing chemo but that the treatment schedule was decided. Now I find out that further treatment will be dependent on the results of the adrenal gland removal. She is sounding worried which worries me even more. She is also saying that some of the symptoms she is having are as a result of having cancer. She has never said that before either. I am SO very scared and trying not to show it. Trying to carry on as normal.
I read an article in a magazine written by someone who has had cancer and they said that one of the hardest things was seeing the people that loved them worrying and trying to help with suggestions etc but ultimately underneath showing their fear (naturally). The thing that helped them most was just being treated normally. How the hell do you do that ?

On a lighter note today I have braved the shops again trying to do some Christmas shopping. Quite successful but still not quite finished.
I am supposed to be going to the office Christmas party on Wednesday. Not sure if I'm going yet as it depends on Mum. But I might do as it may be better that sitting at home worrying. Mum thinks I should go too.
I am not usually one for the Christmas bashes each year. I usually end up going though because it's easier than going through endless lame excuses and also don't like to be thought of as "unsociable" even though I am :o)
It should be quite impressive. The theme is "One night in Bangkok" http://www.the-christmas-company.co.uk/venues/miltonkeynes/entertain.htm and it should be quite a lavish affair. Lesley has offered me a Thai dress to wear. Sadly it isn't fancy dress. I wish it was now with the offer of that. Thank you Lesley, that was such a kind thought. I bet the dress is stunning.
I am having the usual issues of what I SHOULD wear though. I am not one to dress up at all normally. I spend most of my waking hours scruffy except for work. If I could go in jeans I would be happier.....
Still, if I go, I am sure I will be fine once I get "into the swing" and it's always quite good watching people that you see each day letting their hair down. Think I will take my camera :o)

Yogi and Larry are being little stars (as ever) I have just buried my face into Larry's neck for a dose of bliss. It makes me feel calmer.
I agree with Graham about not changing Yogi's diet as I too just want to give him whatever he wants for as long as I can. I also completely understand Handh for changing Herbies diet. Each situation is different and I think that somehow our dogs tell us what we should do.

This week I am going to start working from home some mornings so I have been given a remote access account from work. Now being a bit of a technophobe, I have been told what I need to do to connect from home but I am sure I will probably get it wrong. There is an alarming amount of passwords and passcodes that need to be input at each step. Now which one comes first ............... :o)

6th Chemo

2007-12-10T20:08:00.000Z

Well, today Yogi went in for his 6th session. It was great from the start as he didn't have that initial panic that has been apparent over the last 2 weeks. He just trotted off happily with the nurses. I think he probably thought it was a good chance for a food raid from all the other inhabitants. Once again there was no problem, he had the drugs with no reaction and came out like a bouncing bomb :o) And he has continued to bounce for the rest of the evening. Absolutely superb.
I sort of can't believe it. Other dogs seem to go through ups and downs with their treatment. Yogi hasn't really looked back at all. He hasn't had any down days and the only thing that appears to be different is his appetite. He has even stopped (virtually) weeing in the night. Now I don't want to think all this is too good to be true, but it does seem a little unusual ?

I have been reading some lymphoma sites for example Help Your Dog Fight Cancer and Chemo (Dogdoggiedog) and they both talk about diet e.g. eliminating carbs. I haven't gone down this route and am thinking that maybe I should. But then I think that he is doing so well, should I change this? Difficult. I have been adding flax oil for the omega 3 but other than that he gets the same diet he has always had, just more of it. It is a good quality one, he has Burns plus some Nature Diet, plus of course his regular snacks of chicken, cheese and veggie sausage :o)
They also talk about side effects, he doesn't seem to have any. By all accounts, the dogs I have read about do.
It seems strange, we worry about them when they're sick and worry about them when they're well. I guess we are just programmed to worry full stop.
He has 2 further chemo sessions before we begin to reduce. That means just having medication every other week for a couple of months. How scary will that be? I will probably turn into a compulsive gland checker. More so than I am already.
I remember Graham once saying that he used to check Prince's heartbeat. I haven't done that yet but I do check his gums pretty often (if he is bleeding internally, they will go pale). Soon I think that he will lift his lips for me as I approach :o)
The bouncing bomb is now barking for attention, better go and see what he wants however, I suspect it's food :o)

2007-12-09T20:27:00.000Z

Even top models need to lie down sometimes....

2007-12-09T20:23:00.000Z

Look, we ARE working for our grub !!

A Good News Week

2007-12-09T19:26:00.000Z

Well, all in all this week has been very good. Yogi has done brilliantly. So much so, that we feel the need to remind him that he DOES have manners and in the dim and distant past, he did a lot of training to teach him these !!!! :o). Over the last few weeks though, I think understandably these have been pushed to the background. All I want is for Yogi to be a happy bunny and do more or less what he likes. In reality though, that probably isn't the best idea. An example of what I am talking about happened one day this week. I had been at work all day, Yogi had Rich with him all morning and my mum for the afternoon. So I didn't need to feel guilty that I was coming home, taking them out, seeing to them and then going out riding. I walked them, fed them and gave them both a fuss and a play and then went riding. I hadn't had time to see to my own needs e.g. eating, so figured I would grab something to eat when I finished. On my return about 9 ish, I felt quite exhausted so feeling hungry but unable to be really bothered about cooking I looked around to see what was available. Not a lot by the look of it. The only thing that was remotely quick and easy was some stale bread that was due for the birds! I am totally ashamed to say that I was going to eat it. I took it out of the wrapper and turned to the fridge to get some cheese to see if I could revive it in any way. By the time I turned back it was gone. Disappearing into the jaws of some demented little being who SAYS that he hadn't been fed for a week. It was probably a quarter of a loaf too. And it had all but gone by the time I turned around :o) This is what he was like when we first had him, starving and would eat anything, even his own poo. So, what could I do? Nothing really, to see a dog that hungry (due only to the steroids) I just let him get on with it. BUT I do think that we have to go back to basics with his training. Today we have done that as can be seen by the pictures. He has to work for his food - not that hard I must add :o) But he HAS to know that he can't nick anything and everything that he wants. It's SO tempting to let him get away with everything, but in the long run, I don't think it will do him any favours. So, he works and I give - often :o)

Tomorrow is chemo number 6, he has 3 more before we start cutting down. Nervous to say the least, but cannot quite believe how well he is doing. He will see Christmas and a few weeks ago I never thought I'd say that. Clever, brave little Yogi.

The week has been good in other ways too. Mum seems to be looking forward. Although she is scared, she is confident that all the operations that she is going to have will cure her. I think the first few weeks were shocking, now she is determined. We all are.

Larry is fine, I think he was attention seeking :o) Don't blame him really. But a couple of trips to the vets and he feels that maybe attention isn't really what he needs. So all is well there too.

Another fantastic bit of news is my job. In the summer I had asked to be made redundant. I have been with my company for 12 years. There have been loads of changes and although I am basically happy there, I felt the time had come for a change, needed to spread my wings etc. Then when all started to go wrong, I began to wonder if I had done the right thing. I need loads of money for Yogi's vet bills (he's not insured) and with all the worry about him and my mum, trying to find a new job probably would have been a bit more stressful than I would have liked just now. My boss has been absolutely fantastic through all this, sympathetic, supportive, giving me the time that I need etc. Anyway, end of year reviews came around again and the upshot was he asked me to stay! Couldn't quite believe it. I will be able to work from home when mum is in hospital and his main criteria seems to be that he doesn't want me to worry about anything. I was so surprised, they are cutting staff left right and centre, I would have thought that someone volunteering to go would be a blessing. It is a weight off my shoulders just at the moment.

All in all it has been a great week and I feel that I haven't had one of those for a while :o)

I've been tagged !

2007-12-06T18:53:00.000Z

graham has kindly tagged me to share 5 facts about myself :o) The rules are.....

Rules:Link to the tagger and post these rules on your blog. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Hmmm.....here goes....

1. I am obsessed by horses and riding and have been since I was about 3. Years ago on a farm holiday there wasn't any horses available to ride, so I rode a cow. Within minutes, the cow had dumped me head first into the slurry pit :o)

2. I work in Milton Keynes where the beautiful Prince was from originally. It's a small world isn't it?

3. I ADORE the smell of my dogs. They both smell completely different but to me, absolutely fantastic. I love to just bury my face into their necks and breathe.

4. My first job was with horses, I now work in IT. Now, what would I rather be doing........:o)

5. To date I have shared my life with 7 dogs, 5 rabbits, 2 horses, 32 cats, 2 hedgehogs, 1 guinea pig, 1 tortoise, many fish and a duck. Plus a number of "foster" animals over the years.

OK, so now I have to tag some others.....these are they - Linda Seid Frembes, Blogs From the Dogs, The Tails of Harry and Cassidy The Airedales, HandH,

Apologies that there is only 4 tags (and one duplicate :o)), since I am new to "blogging" and time always seems to be an issue, I tend to follow a few blogs closely.

5th Chemo

2007-12-03T20:12:00.000Z

Today Yogi had his 5th session. I had to check back on the blog as I was sure it was the 4th. Time seems to have gone so quickly since he was diagnosed. Once again there was the usual panic about how can we work it so he spends the shortest time at the vets and allow us both to put in a days work miles away from where we are. It all worked out well though. He was in at 11 and done and dusted by 1. Although he didn't want to leave Rich when he dropped him off, he was soon snuffling around the surgery trying to nick all the other animals food. The best thing was he didn't bark continuously. That just shows that he is not so stressed or uncomfortable any more. I feel so much better about that. Once again John is delighted with his progress. He seems to be on a stable dose of chemo and steroids now and providing all continues to go well with blood tests and the way he is feeling, that's how it will stay for the next 3 weeks. We have to be very careful as the chemo affects his immune system, he can't fight off infections like he used to. I am trying to be vigilant so that he doesn't eat any rubbish from hedgerows or elsewhere on his walks, but the little devil often beats me to it. His nose is so much more sensitive than anything I have ;o).
This weekend was the first time that I have let him off the lead to have a run since his op. It was beautiful to see, even though his energy is not quite what it was, he still managed to have a good old chase of his pink squeaky ball. He used to absolutely LOVE swimming. We have a number of lakes nearby and his favourite walk would always include a swim out to the middle, retrieve his ball and bring it back for another go. He is a fantastic swimmer. Larry prefers to watch though. He doesn't mind paddling, but he thinks swimming is undignified, messes the hair and too much like hard work :o) That is my dream, to see Yogi swim again. No chance while he is having treatment (unless it's a proper swimming pool with disinfectant in it)
Larry seems to be feeling much better too. He still has a bit of a temperature, but John doesn't seem to be worried. He can go back on his tablets tomorrow. Apparently my concerns about liver damage are not an issue. He is on a low dose and any symptoms would usually have shown up when he first started taking them.
Mum is also doing well, she is incredibly positive and making sure that we all are too. She is having her first op week after next and is busying herself with Chrismas preparations and helping me out with the boys. All in all a good day. Tonight I am going to get an early night and try to stay there instead of getting up and blogging in the early hours :o) Night night.....

Larry

2007-12-03T03:16:00.000Z

Today (or yesterday really) Larry seemed to be feeling much better. Poor old boy was really feeling sorry for himself during Saturday. I have no idea what it was other than maybe he did have a slight infection. He isn't usually one to go eating rubbish either, that is Yogi's speciality. Sunday morning though, he was up bright and early and wanting breakfast which I was thrilled about. I think he is probably jealous of all the attention Yogi is getting and felt that it was his turn to cause a bit of drama in the household. Larry, we can do without that just now thanks :o) Anyway, today he is going back to the vets for a check up at 9.10 and then Yogi is going in at 11. I wonder if we should move in there? Or maybe get a discount or at the very least we could perhaps be offered loyalty points.
I am hoping that he can go back on his painkillers too. He hasn't had them for a couple of days now and he seems less comfortable. Mind you, at the moment he is snoring his little head off in his basket so I don't think he is too worried just now.
Think I will take a leaf out of his book and get some sleep too.........

What's going on?

2007-12-01T11:36:00.000Z

Sometimes I wonder what on earth is happening. This morning I was looking forward to a lie in - well the sort I get with dogs would be until about 7am if lucky, and I had thought that today we would take the dogs out for a nice long (ish) walk. Yogi would be up for it as would Larry. They have not been on any significant walks since Yogi became ill. 6am and Larry started barking to go out - very unlike him since he is generally lazy and likes to stay in bed as long as possible. I let them both out and left them to it. After a while, Yogi asked to come in, usually not necessary as Larry knows how to open the door (he hasn't figured out how to close it yet though). Not thinking anything was wrong, I carried on making coffee etc. After about 10 minutes I wondered what Larry was up to, so turned the security light on and saw him still wandering round and round the garden. Very unlike him. I called him in and he seemed a bit reluctant to come. But eventually he did and I thought that just maybe there had been a fox or a cat in the garden that had left a scent that was interesting. I took Yogi out for his walk and in the meantime Rich had let Larry out again. He mentioned that he had been very sick. I still wasn't terribly worried. Took Larry out for his walk and when we returned, he seemed ready for his breakfast. Again he wanted to go out into the garden and again he was out there for ages. When I looked, he was just lying on the grass. Not normal at all. We popped out for about an hour and when we came back found he had been violently sick. Then I am afraid I did panic. I called the vets and they said to bring him down straight away. The vets is traumatic for Larry, he needs to be muzzled and he gets very stressed. Fortunately John was on, he knows Larry and understands him well. Larry has a slight temperature but was too tense for John to examine his tummy properly. So he had a couple of injections and cannot eat anything today and he can only have a saucer of water every hour or so. Then he goes back on Monday. Poor dog is knackered now and sleeping deeply in his basket.
What worries me is a) he has been on Rimadyl for his arthritis for a couple of years now - I have heard that it can affect the liver. b) his symptoms are similar to Yogis. I know I am probably being extra paranoid just now, but he is not a young dog and at the moment most things seems to worry me.
Graham has recommended wine, I think he is very wise :o)

On the "Up" bit of the rollercoaster

2007-11-26T16:10:00.000Z

Today was a day of relief (in some ways) and celebration.
For Mum, we saw the surgeon and (at last) had confirmation that her cancers were metastatic but they are operable. Cannot quite explain the relief that hope brings. She will need a number of operations, the first in a couple of weeks. Poor Mum is in for a tough time. But the fact that they are offering them means that they think the prognosis is good. The surgeon was wonderful with both her and me. We even managed to have a laugh and he put us both at ease. It appears that the reason she has had such a bad time with cancer is genetic, since she leads such a healthy life and has been so unlucky. So he pointed out that I needed to be very careful too. Time to clean up my act I feel :o) So...."My body is a temple (and not a cesspit)" is my new mantra :o)

Then, down to the vets to pick up Yogi Bear. All was well this morning, Rich took him in at 11 as agreed. Then Allyson called at 12.30 saying that John wanted to see us at 3 i.e. we couldn't have him back until then. When I got back from the hospital and heard that, my immediate thoughts were that something was wrong. But no, John is DELIGHTED with him. I don't think that he can quite believe how well he is doing in tolerating the chemo. He seemed quite thrilled. And I don't imagine that John does "thrilled" that often:o) His blood count is up from last week. HandH, thank you so very much for the tips about cottage cheese and flax oil. It is working.
John tells me that Yogi will need chemo each week for 2 months then every other week and so on, gradually reducing. If he continues the way he is doing............ I was going to tempt fate and say what John thinks his lifespan COULD be. But I won't. He is doing brilliantly and the chemo is working for him and not knocking him out in any way. That is good enough for me.
Now, he is very contented, fed and sporting a natty little blue bandage on his leg.
Time for a walk...........

My week

2007-11-24T11:01:00.000Z

I have sort of hummed and hah'd whether to dump this in here. But have decided that although it is ultimately Yogi's journey, it's mine too and since all this has happened, I have found "blogging" strangely cathartic.
Around the time that Yogi was diagnosed with cancer, my mum was too. I felt that I had been dealt a double blow and that my life was falling apart. I think it's the shock of the "C" word. It always seems so inevitable that this will be the end. Mum has had cancer before. 6 years ago she had lung cancer and made a complete recovery. No chemo, "just" an operation to remove it. At the beginning of this year she had bowel cancer. Once again, no chemo it was caught early and removed by an operation. Again I thought she was cured and aside from a fairly long recovery period, she has done brilliantly. At 72 she is living independently and very fit as well, walking her dog 3 times a day and helping me to look after mine. So when she called me and said that she had cancer again in the lung and in the adrenal glands, those horrendous feelings of hopelessness seemed to overwhelm me. She told me that they were "independent cancers" i.e. not metastatic and that they were operable. So once again we played the waiting game for biopsies and consultations. I felt quite positive as I don't believe that she would have said anything if she believed it was terminal. She has always said that she wouldn't say until she had to. Anyway, this week she had an appointment at the hospital for the results of a lung biopsy. She wouldn't let me go with her (said there was no need) but my brother insisted on going with her. That's when the doctor mentioned that she also has breast cancer too. I fell to pieces when I found out. She is still saying that everything will be dealt with by operations. I am not so sure. I am terrified but can't show it. She I think is terrified but can't show it. As is my brother. I feel as if I don't know "how to be" much of the time. On Monday Rich is taking Yogi for his chemo and I am taking my mum to see a consultant for the adrenal gland cancer. I need to spend this weekend sorting out a list of questions and trying to stay strong when in reality I am very scared.

Yogi's week

2007-11-24T09:51:00.000Z

This week has been a good one for Yogi, apart from last Monday when I thought that the session at the vets distressed him. He has been feeling pretty much on top of the world I think. His sleeping pattern has improved so much that he probably only gets up once in the night to go to the toilet and last night he didn't wake at all. When he does wake up though, he generally needs a snack to see him through to the morning (or so he says :o). His appetite is still as voracious as ever and he seems to need constant refueling at every possible opportunity. He has ways and means of making himself clear too. While watching television the other night, Yogi was sat at my feet. I noticed he was watching me intently, I was gazing somewhere over the top of his head doing my utmost not to make eye contact I had just sat down, he had been walked, fed and fussed so thought that just for a short while I could have a "moment". Not allowed in Yogi's book. His eyes bored into me, when he realized that they weren't making any difference, he tried scooting round a bit to the left, still on his bottom, neck elongated (for maximum effect) trying to find a space in my eyeline. A couple more shifts to the right and then backwards followed by a tiny whine and I was lost :o) Laughing at his antics he got his way and won (again) I went off to the kitchen, got him his snack. THEN he was a contented dog.

His wound is also healing well, there are a couple of raised bits, but it's not open anymore.

Also, Allyson spoke to John and he has agreed that Yogi can reduce his time spent at vets, providing he responds well to the chemo. So he will go in at 11, have his chemo and any other tests he needs, then come home around 1. THAT is fantastic.

I'm not sure where this came from, but since he has lived with us he has had a lovely habit of sucking things, almost like sucking a dummy. He will suck, his eyes go dreamy and he seems to go into a sort of trance. It's gorgeous to watch. For a while when he was first ill, he wasn't interested. Now he is back to suckling which is brilliant. It seems to calm him. Here he is with his favourite toy...

Loss

2007-11-21T22:11:00.000Z

I have just been reading grahams post about loss and moving on. I really know how he feels but have no idea what to say to add any comfort. The only thing I can say is it takes time to accept, not "get over" but just accept what has happened, but I'm sure he knows that already. Losing a loved one (pet or person) leaves such a massive hole and memories that inevitably come thick and fast seem impossible to deal with. I find Christmas especially hard and I am afraid I am a bit of a "bah humbug" at this time of year. If I could go to sleep about now and wake on 2nd January that would do me fine. Yes, I know I am a miserable git :o). I think that the problem is everyone "expects" everyone to be ecstatically happy, more so than the rest of the year (obviously). It puts a sort of pressure that automatically makes me think of times past when that animal/friend/relative was still with me.
Graham, ignore me, Tilly will see you through and you KNOW that Prince will still be with you both.

2007-11-20T21:54:00.000Z

We are knackered...........

Relieved.....

2007-11-20T20:49:00.000Z

Tonight, I saw Allyson, one of the vet nurses while riding and had a chat with her about my concerns for Yogi while he was in having his chemo. She assured me that he would have been taken out regularly but said she would make sure he was taken out more often next time he was in. We also discussed the option of taking him in later and picking him up earlier so that he is in for shorter length of time. She is going to have a word with John tomorrow to make sure that this is OK, but she thinks it will be fine. I am SO relieved. She is also going to take some pictures while he is having his treatment to put our minds at rest. What a star!
I have also started adding cottage cheese to their food (both Larry and Yogi think that was a terrific suggestion) and some "sprouted" flax seeds (not such a great suggestion :o)). Thank you HandH. The oil will follow as soon as I can get to the shops.
Yogi is still "bubbly" and happy and that makes me happy too :o)
Loads of good wishes and support are going to Herbie right now who is having a tough time at the moment.

3rd Chemo

2007-11-19T19:07:00.000Z

Today Yogi went in for chemo number 3. Masses of trepidation again. How will he react? Is he doing well? Is it just my imagination that he seems brighter? Running the rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis is just so tough. Yes, he looks great, but is he feeling more tired than usual? Why did he spit out that piece of cheese (he ate it again when Larry was about) ? Are his glands really getting smaller, or is it my imagination -again?.....Speaking to John (vet) this evening, he was very positive. He thought that Yogi was doing brilliantly. He is slightly anaemic which may be due to the cancer or the chemo. Not sure which yet, but further blood tests will monitor the situation. He had his stitches out but there are a couple of "holes" open that need to be kept very clean. That is due to the pred and rest of chemo drugs, with everything else that are doing, they are also stopping a complete healing process. Need to keep an eye on them to make sure they are clean. Leaving him at the vets was also horrible. Up until today he trotted off happily with the nurses, not today though, he was struggling to get back to me as they took him off. I felt such a heel. One thing that REALLY is worrying me is that he is not getting out often enough for a wee while he is at the vets. When he was collected, I am sure he wee'd for about 30 seconds, it was gushing out of him. They also said that he barked continously. He is a barker, but not fanatical about it. I think that he was uncomfortable. I will have a word next week and make sure that he is taken out more regularly - if that is the problem. Or it maybe that he was just chatting. I hope so. The last thing I want to do is make his life more uncomfortable than it needs to be. I know that in reality, it maybe months rather than longer and I want that time to be happy for him. This evening though, he is as bright as a button, wanting to eat everything in sight and just being the happy, boisterous Yogi he has always been. Long may it last.

Larry's Story - part 1

2007-11-18T10:04:00.000Z

Each morning I take the dogs out separately as I think it's good for them to have some time away from each other and also where they can have my time exclusively to themselves. Weekend walks are pack affairs though.
This morning Larry seemed a bit disgruntled (nothing new there) when pressed it appears that he feels it is unfair that Yogi is getting all the attention and fame, when he (Larry) is an equally interesting character. So, I agreed to write his story for him - although he did say "no pictures". I will try to persuade him otherwise, may need to talk to his agent :o))
At the time we found Larry, we had 2 dogs, Max and Yogi, we weren't looking for a 3rd at all. We had had Yogi for almost a year and had decided that it would be good to "give something back" and help out at the rescue centre where Yogi was from. Fatal really. In one of the kennels was a large thin Border Collie. No-one was supposed to go near him and no-one could walk him except the kennel owner. From a distance I could see that he was very distressed, completely manic, and when approached was down right vicious. If I was to walk passed his kennel, he would go completely demented, fling himself at the bars frothing at the mouth. I know that collies don't always do well in a kennel environment, they find it too stressful. But I couldn't believe the level of his unhappiness. The kennel had a "non distruct" policy. In cases like that, I am not sure that I agree with them. Asking for a bit of background on him, I found that he had been picked up as a stray by the police about 6 months previously. Police report stated that he was a bit "off the wall" and nervy. Then he had been rehomed to a man with another dog. When he bit the man, he was returned to the kennel. That was all I could find out. The only thing I could see was that the kennel owner could walk him but needed to keep away from anyone while doing so. That's where my sleepless nights started. How could a dog like that ever be rehomed? How could a dog like that live out the rest of his days cooped up for the most part alone in a small kennel. Did he just have to wait to die of old age or some stress related condition? At that time, I had a couple of weeks off work and was going to the kennels daily. I decided to make it my mission to see if I could get through to him a bit. It started with me just walking passed his kennel often, every 15 minutes or so, not looking at him, just passing so that he got used to me being there. A couple of times I tried offering a biscuit, but even without looking at him, he would fling himself at the bars frothing at the mouth. After about a week of this, I noticed that he had stopped going mad as I walked by. Still looked very wary but not trying to "go" for me. I tried just putting a biscuit through the bars and walking on. He would eat them (I think) when I had dissappeared. What progress!!! From there, he started to come round a bit. Couldn't touch him (I wouldn't have tried anyway) but he seemed more accepting of my presence. One day I thought that's it, I have to try and walk him. I asked the kennel owner to get him out for me. Talk about scared though. Once he was out of the kennel, I quietly took the lead said nothing and just started walking. He wasn't calm, but he didn't look as if he would bite me. Not unless I pushed any boundaries that is. We walked, saying nothing, just sort of sizing each other up I guess. I cannot put into words how proud I felt. And I think at that point I thought "this dog is not staying here". So now what, I have partially won the trust of highly nervous, unknown quantity. What on earth do I do now? I had 2 other dogs at home, worked full time and a husband (this dog hated men with even more of a passion than I thought he hated me). But the fact that he was coming round meant that there was no way I could let him down now. It had occured to me that if I could bring him round, then someone else could get to know him too. Then they would give him a nice home and all the time that he needed. Pipe dream. Although people loved the way he looked, no-one was willing to take a chance or give him the time to gain trust. Rich was totally supportive and we had to figure out a way of getting Larry to accept him and Max and Yogi. Tall order. What we did was go to the kennel each day with both dogs, I would take Larry out (by this time, I could go into his kennel and put a lead on him) and Rich, Max and Yogi would walk about 20 feet behind. Every so often Larry would turn his head and growl. A low growl but nothing terrible. I would just ignore him and keep walking. Each day, the "Pack" would get a little nearer. Larry would still growl a bit, but their presence didn't seem to make him any worse. Result really. After I think a couple of weeks, we were walking almost side by side, probably with about a five foot gap. But at least we could chat and the dogs could see each other properly. I don't think at this point Rich had even touched him. Sometimes, we would leave the dogs behind and just the 3 of us would walk. Larry still did his turn around and growl thing, but it seemed more like a grumble that anything more sinister. And as we have got to know him better, we have found that he IS a grumpy old dog :o) That's his nature. By this time we knew that somehow he was coming home. It was really frightening to take on something like this. If it didn't work there was NO WAY he was ever going back to the kennel, it sounds awful, but I would rather have put him to sleep.
The big day arrived when Larry was coming home. Had no idea of what he was like in a house, whether he was a chewer, housetrained, barker or even whether he could be left for any length of time. I think that we just thought that this would be his one and only chance and we all had to give it a go.
So, the plan was to introduce the dogs on neutral territory. A walk completely away from home that was new to all of them. I bundled Larry into my little car (had no idea how he travelled either) The other 2 were in the "dog wagon". It was dusk but we wanted to walk quite a way to wear them all out a bit before they all got home. The funny thing was, that day in the kennel, Larry had been so calm and so quiet, almost as if he knew that all his woes were over. It was really very strange. I was worried that he was ill.
The walk went well, all dogs pretty much ignored each other and just concentrated on sniffing, weeing and other doggy pursuits. The humans though were on tenterhooks. What if, what if??? When we got home and unloaded them all from their respective cars, we wanted them all to enter the house more or less together. God knows how, but this worked. Although as soon as Larry started to go in, he sunk to his belly. The poor dog was absolutely petrefied. He slunk through the front door, and as soon as the door shut, he laid down. The other dogs, bless them, just left him completely alone. They were just milling around, asking for grub, and acting like all was normal. Still at this point Rich hadn't touched him and it was the first time that both of them had been together without Larry being on a lead. Rich was sensible and left him alone, Larry was sensible and stayed lying down just taking in his surroundings. We just carried on as normal around him letting him be. After a while, I started to get a bit concerned as to why he still hadn't moved. I had never "examined" him what with his boundary issues, and wondered if all was OK. So slowly, slowly, I squatted down beside him and ran my hands gently over him. This seemed to relax him amazingly enough. When I got to his feet I noticed that they were raw and covered in blisters. The poor dog must have been in absolute agony. He had never shown lameness, but I think with 6 months of pounding from one side of his kennel to another, he had wrecked his paws. He let me wash them and dry them (I think that's when we really bonded) and put some cream to soothe them. It seemed to help because he stood up then and wandered around the kitchen to the back door. At least he had come off his belly now. He wanted to go out but couldn't walk on the concrete to the grass. Now what? He needed to be carried. Another test that he passed with flying colours. I think he knew that we were just there to help.........
Larry's agent has just called and agreed that a picture can be posted. Fee to be agreed. I suspect that it will be in bones, but you can never quite tell with Larry.
So here he is........relaxing in Devon earlier this year....

Even Yogi Bear's must take their medicine...

2007-11-17T10:22:00.000Z

A spoonful of yoghurt helps the medicine go down.....even if it does drip all over his chest and the floor :o)

Dilemma

2007-11-16T20:42:00.000Z

This isn't a dilemma about Yogi's illness as such. It is more a dilemma about time management in general. Yogi is doing really well. He has had 2 chemo sessions, his glands have gone right down (I can only feel 1 up slightly in his neck). He is happy, full of life and eating brilliantly. BUT him being ill makes me think about the limited time we have to spend with him day to day. Both of us work. We travel quite a few miles daily. When we adopted dogs originally, we always took on older or old dogs who probably would not be taken on by many due to health, age or behavioural issues. We felt that even though their time with us was limited, they would have a safe, comfortable and loving home for the rest of their lives. Yogi is the youngest dog we have had. Yes, he did have behavioural problems, he had had at least 3 homes previously that didn't work out, but he seemed to fit in with Max and we thought we could give him a good life. I think we have, but in the back of my mind I always feel a bit guilty that we work and the dogs have to "fit in" with us. He has fitted in brilliantly however (all credit to him) and has learnt that yes, he does have periods where he is "in charge" but that he has a routine that he can cope with and seems to be happy with. But since he has been ill, it has become evident that he can't manage for the length of time that we are not here. At the moment it's sorted. My Mum comes round every couple of hours to give them a cuddle, a snack and let them out for a wee. This is working well but still makes me feel guilty. I expect that anyone with animals or kids probably feels the same at some point. I have a sympathetic boss, so if the worst came to the worst, I guess I could probably work from home sometimes.
Anyway, that is not an issue just now and for now I am grateful that he is doing well and all things crossed that he continues to do so.

Good News !

2007-11-13T20:42:00.000Z

Well, I think that this dog is trying his hardest to exhaust us. 4am this morning it was time for another wee break. That's fine except he was pulling a "fast one". Quick wee and then time to settle down, in the rain for a good old chew on a bone. I was standing like an idiot at the back door trying to whisper sternly for him to come in. He had his back to me and had absolutely NO intention of leaving that old bone. OK, so stern whispering wouldn't do it, lets try garlic sausage. Into the fridge for a slice and then out into the rain and dark, in slippers that immediately got soaked, to dangle a bit of sausage in front of his nose. Nothing. Not even a break in chewing. He knows he shouldn't bring bones in the house so he just stayed there munching loudly. In the end, I had to break the rules, let him in with bone AND give him the sausage. Guess I know who's boss then?
One hour later and it was time to get up to walk them.....
Today, we had great news, the vet called and said we could start to cut down his steroids. He was on 7 a day, now it will be 4 every other day! Bit worried though, is that normal so soon?
Also, does anyone know anything about dogs that have gone into remission? I keep thinking of questions, but never when I am at the vets it seems.....
One thing that I am trying and have been since he became ill is Photonic Therapy - it is like acupuncture but using light to stimulate the points. I did a course here http://www.galesphotonictherapy.com/ last year. It won't do any harm and it is worth a try, I am also using it on myself to keep calm. The funny thing is, every time I use the torch on him (that's what it is, a torch using specific wavelengths to stimulate healing) he reacts in some way, at first he used to growl a little, it doesn't hurt, but he must "feel" something, or he would lick a specific point on his foot. I so hope it is helping him.
So, all in all, it seems to be more positive. Vet says not to get hopes up just yet, but if there is no hope, what is there?

Success!! Photo at last :o)

2nd Chemo

2007-11-12T19:44:00.000Z

Well, he went and he didn't look back when Rich left him with Allyson the veterinary nurse apparently :o) That is such a relief. If he was nervous of the vets (like Prince was) it would be that much harder. The chemo was administered easily and the vets were pleased with him. The only thing they said was that every time the phone went, he barked - "does he normally bark a lot?" Yep, he does :o) Allyson insisted that he was just happy. I like that thought....
Today was our first day back at work since the diagnosis. It is hard but because he is feeling well, makes it easier. The thing that worries me is him being on his own (well, with Larry) and needing a wee, or feeling hungry. I have asked my mum to drop round and let them out while we are out so that there is never longer than 2 hours gap. I hope that is enough for my little fountain dog.
No more vets until next Monday now, providing all is well. Fingers crossed.....
Still struggling to upload pics, keep getting an annoying red cross in place of the photo. Hope to figure it out soon.

Tomorrow

2007-11-11T17:59:00.000Z

Tomorrow Yogi is going for his second chemo session at the vets.
Scary because he will be there all day and how will he react to the drugs?
Trying to keep positive for him as that is what he needs right now, this is his chance to get better.
All things are crossed for him.
Incidentally, he has just feasted on veggie sausages, I don't think he is worried at all thankfully.

Poo :o)

2007-11-11T15:04:00.000Z

Now why am I obsessed by poo? I think it's because it's a marker of how we (the boys) are doing on a daily basis. Reading http://houndshome.blogspot.com/ brought it home to me that this topic forms a major part of my day to day life, even more so at the moment. Morning conversations go something like this......
"How are the boys"
"Great"
"Have they "been"?" "What was it like?"
And then a dialogue ensues including colour, amount, number etc.
This has become even more paramount since Yogi has not been well i.e. he has not been "going" so much or they haven't been "looking" like they should.
Is this normal? I have no idea. Should I be embarrassed to admit this fixation about dogs dumping? Probably.
But still it continues and we also rave about the best "poo bags" and the fact that they are buried in just about every pocket of every article of clothing that I possess.
For the record, today Yogi's poo is great, copious, normal and just what I would want :o)))

Remembrance Day

2007-11-11T08:51:00.000Z

Today is Remembrance Day, the day that we remember all who have fought and are still fighting in the horrific wars that have taken place and are continuing to take place.
For us also, it is the day 2 years ago that we said goodbye to Max (or Eggy as he was affectionately known), our beloved Labrador cross who lost his fight with liver cancer. Rest in peace Maxie, I know that you are out there somewhere, you will never be forgotten. xxxxxx

Today is a Good Day !!!!

2007-11-10T17:25:00.000Z

The day or rather night started at around midnight with Yogi needing his first wee break of the 8 hours or so that I used to like to spend asleep. That's fine, I just wish he would give me a little time to drag something on before the barking becomes so urgent that I end up flying down the stairs hoping that all is well when I reach the back door! The second marathon was at 3. This time he also thought it was an appropriate time to lay down in the garden having a chew of an old bone. Patience somewhat deserted me then and I am afraid I insisted that he return - sharpish ! I know that it is all down to the steroids - he is on 7 Prednisolone a day. He also has a voracious appetite. It worries me how much I should feed him to satisfy his hunger and balance that without "overloading" him. If anyone has any tips, they would be gratefully received.
Yogi woke up nice and rested (lucky boy) and enjoyed his trundle around the village first thing. He is back to his old ways of snaffling any bit of discarded food that gets within snout distance. Deeply afronted if I spot it first and then deploy any avoidance tactics. Today is also "chemo day" where he has his 3 times a week dose of Endoxana, plus Pred, plus synulox and a pain killer (rimadyl) for good measure. (he will also go once a week for his intravenous Vincristine) Poor little chap positively rattles. These days it is a breeze getting his tabs down him. Dairylea and a smile work wonders :o)
He and the long suffering Larry went on an outing today. Lunch at Granny's (my mum). Big worry as to whether we should walk round. It is only a couple of miles away but John (vet) said that the steriods will make him feel pretty invincible and do things that maybe he shouldn't. We decided that the walk would do him good, nice and gentle and if the worst came to the worst and he appeared tired in any way, we would hitch a lift home with "granny".
All went well, and Yogi was back to his normal style of pulling almost like a small train. The last couple of days he has had to wear his halti again. I find that brilliant. Although lovely to walk a dog that doesn't pull, a dog that doesn't pull is not Yogi.
As soon as he walked through the front door without so much as a "hello" to the residents - mum and Fudge, he nicked her rawhide bone (Fudge's not mum's :o)) and settled down for a good old chew. Bemused onlookers a plenty.
All went well until the food started appearing. I had given him a snack before we left so he wouldn't feel too hungry. He was eyeing everything up and positively begging for stuff. Something he hasn't done for years. When we first knew him, he was pretty much starving and a terrible thief. A good feeding routine and teaching him some basic manners had stopped this over a period of time. Now the thief was back! Our backs were turned for a moment and his paws were on the table and he had nicked some buscuits. Ever so quietly too :o) Must say, I was rather impressed!
That is one of the things that worries me though. I absolutely HATE the thought of him feeling hungry, but am worried that he shouldn't over do it. Also, don't want to upset his stomach with all the drugs he is on.
Any ideas, suggestions would be most welcome.
One slight downer is that someone was sick in the night. Not sure if it was Larry or Yogi and nothing since but that's how all this started. So will continue keeping a close eye, try not to worry too much and enjoy them both immensely.
Now I am going to attempt to post some photo's so all can see what gorgeous boys they are :o)

Saturday 10th November

2007-11-10T10:06:00.000Z

Today I have just read 2 lovely comments from Graham, Prince & Tilly and Linda Seid Frembes, cannot quite describe how much it means to know that the love and support is there for us. Although it is horrible to know that both of you have had such sad losses so recently, you are still willing to give so much support. Thank you both so very much.
Have just read and sobbed and laughed through Linda's blog about Watson. He sounds wonderful, such a character. You should be very proud of yourself. Graham's blog had the same effect on me too when I first stumbled on it a few days ago, Prince is a little gem. But both are so helpful, realising that there are good and bad days, focus on the good and enjoy each moment as a gift. Waldo and Tilly have much to live up to, but you know that is what they are there for. They will both help you heal.

At the vets.....again......

2007-11-08T17:46:00.000Z

Today was the first vet visit since chemo. I have been checking Yogi's glands daily for any changes. I thought that they seemed smaller but wondered whether it was just wishfull thinking on my part. John confirmed that yes, they were smaller, much smaller. Still there but better. Not sure if this is normal. John did say though, that it was very early days and his boisterous behaviour would have a lot to do with the massive amounts of steroids he was taking. We also need to make sure that he rests a lot. The massive abdominal surgery that he had just over a week ago will take time to heal. It looks so much better though. That means no jumping for a ball. Difficult when the little man loves to play ball. Never mind, he is feeling great and that's all that matters. Time for my R&R now, off riding. This will give us all a break :o)

8th November

2007-11-08T13:20:00.000Z

Today has been great so why do I feel like crying? Yogi has been bright he slept through the night and taken all his tablets with absolutely no problem. His and Larry's dearest friend Fudge is round for the day and all are playing, chewing bones and generally having a good time. I am probably exhausted through all this and just having a bad day. He isn't, so that is brilliant. Off later for a check at the vets........

Later.....

2007-11-07T14:40:00.000Z

Oh no, things were going so well. Larry and Yogi were playing happily together both trying to get the same ball and Yogi bit his tongue. Blood everywhere. I think that the medication makes everything more fragile. So much blood. Think it is slowing now. Really have to keep a close eye on them. Just so happy to see them playing. Something that has not been evident for such a long time or so it seems.......Tissues, water and keeping him still seems to have calmed it thankfully.....What a rollercoaster. Living and learning all the time. Time to relax and chill I think..........

7th November

2007-11-07T12:25:00.000Z

One happy dog this morning. He slept through the night and was bright and keen to go out and do doggy things at 6am. So much more like his normal self. Still worried about giving him the tablets that he needs in the morning. Luckily, last night I spoke to a friend who is a veterinary nurse who has loads of experience with this sort of thing. She recommended dairy lee squidgy cheese triangles as the way to get those tabs slipping down. (I had already tried a variety of foods to wrap them in with no joy) I decided that this time I should do medicines before breakfast. That way at least I had a chance of him having them. And YES, she was right, they all disappeared as they should with no fuss whatsoever. One very happy and relieved "mum".

6th November

2007-11-06T13:05:00.000Z

A good nights sleep at last. Even though Yogi woke me up at midnight for a wee. The lovely thing was that as he was passing his food bowl, he stuck his head in to see if there was anything there and was lucky. There were some bits left over and he gobbled them up. That made it all worth while getting up :o). In the morning he was still bright, wanted to go out for a walk and wanted breakfast. For the first time in 2 weeks he followed me round while I was preparing both his and Larry's breakfast (Larry is a Border Collie who is Yogi's constant companion, although not keen on people, other than his immediate family, he is genuinely fond of his furry friend). I am wondering whether to give Yogi his vast quantity of pills first or to watch him enjoy a hearty breakfast first. Afraid that my needs won and I fed him. Lovely to see him eat. But then I had scuppered my chances of getting him to eat 11 pills in food. No matter, i will just slip them down his throat (I naively thought). Yogi had other ideas and I got bitten. Well not so much bitten as his jaws closed around my finger. Much blood and worry later, plus some leather gloves and a determined air, he had swallowed most of them. I have decided I need a better plan so plan B will be formed (when I can think of it :o)

5th November

2007-11-06T12:44:00.000Z

Today, Yogi will not eat, he has not eaten since Saturday morning and today is Monday. His glands are huge and up all over his body and he has been coughing throughout the night. Yet he looks quite bright. He STILL wants to go for a walk - albeit short. I am really praying that John will start his chemo today. His wound looks good, no leaking and he seems less sore.
At the vets John examines him. Confirms that his glands are bigger and that yes, he needs to start chemo today. Once again, worry over leaving him, worry over giving him chemo. And worry over everything else that is unknown. He will need to stay in for the next few hours to make sure that there is no reaction to the drugs he is given.
Another long wait to go through.....
6 hours later and he is back. Looking VERY bright and VERY hungry:o) (steroids have that effect) It is SO fantastic to see him tucking into his food. He even ate his vegetables :o). He looked happy and enthusiastic and even managed to bark at the fireworks. So relieved and so happy:o)))

2nd November

2007-11-06T12:03:00.000Z

The last few days have been up and down for all of us. Yogi has had periods of eating a little and being fairly bright. Considering that he is probably the world's biggest glutton under normal circumstances, this is worrying. Understandably he is in pain from his operation. But I still wish that he would eat more. Everything possible is being offered to him. From roast topside of beef to veggie sausages (odd, but he loves them). He will eat a little, then nothing. Today is the day he gets the results. Today we will know if he has cancer or not. There is always hope when he is looking brighter and trying to eat and get stronger. As the day wore on, he started to look more listless and tired. Worry set in and the worst is feared. By the time his appointment was due, we both felt that we would be saying goodbye shortly. I cannot describe how devastating that feeling is.

When we got to the vets, he seemed more full of himself. More like the old Yogi. Hope started to return even more as he had "a go"at another dog in the waiting room.
John (the vet) called us in. Wasting no time, he said that yes, he had cancer, but not the one that he had feared (multicentric lymphoma) it was lymphoma, but a much rarer one that began in the alimentary canal and could be treated by chemotherapy. Talk about mixed emotions. Yes, he had cancer, but now there was a chance. Now the problem was trying to take in everything that was being explained. He needed to balance the healing of the (substantial) wound with the starting of chemo. Otherwise the steroids would break down the healing of cells that had already taken place. Since Yogi's glands were growing on a daily basis, I thought that he should start as soon as possible. John wanted to wait until a week after the operation to give maximum healing time for the wound. Since he looked bright this should be OK. So he was taken home with the idea of feeding him up, resting and praying that he would be well enough to start his chemo on the 6th November.

30th October

2007-11-05T13:10:00.000Z

Yogi has a massive wound, when we went to pick him up, he was very drowsy, quite depressed and in pain. Despite painkillers, his eyes seemed vacant, he seemed to have lost hope. He still had no interest in food and his coat was dull. Still no idea of what was wrong, but some suspicion that it was actually cancer.

Where it all began

2007-11-05T12:45:00.000Z

My little black dynamite was fine until about 23rd October when his appetite wasn't quite as it should have been. Nothing to worry about, just an off day (or so we thought). Days and nights followed when he was absolutely fine in himself, he threw up a bit, but nothing that we thought was an issue (dogs do sometimes) plus he was so happy and so lively in himself. Just eating a little less maybe. We'll keep an eye on him and see how he goes.......
28th October - he refused a piece of cheese - unheard of - definitely something wrong. So off to the vet with Yogi. He had been coughing a little so in the absence of any specific syptoms, (examined all over, lymph glands, tummy, temperature, heart etc) he was treated for kennel cough. Relieved that everything was going to be "OK", took him home.
The following day 29th October, still no appetite, more worried now as he looked OK, just not eating.
Back to the vets, saw regular vet, John, who wanted to keep him in for an xray. He thought that he would have a look at his gut (as he was a little sensitve there-but knowing Yogi, could just be babyish behaviour).
The xray showed a mass where his stomach "should be". Really worried now, the vet decided to open him up. He found that the spleen was folded (which was the mass) but not an issue. What was an issue though, was the enlarged lymph node at the pyloric sphincter (exit of the stomach)
Still not sure what was wrong as all the symptoms were atypical. Not as they should be for cancer, but still no explanation for anything else. An aspiration was taken of the lymph node and then we wait..............

A bit of background.......

2007-11-05T06:47:00.000Z

Yogi is an endearing bundle of black fur. Possibly a Belgian Shepherd crossed with Collie maybe. We came across him while he was "banged up" in the local animal rescue centre nearly 7 years ago. Having recently lost Spook to senile dementia, a lovely, very old Greyhound x, we were looking for some company for Max, a Labrador x. We thought that we would look for an older dog, possibly a calm bitch, who would benefit from a peaceful home and the company of friendly Max. Since plans never seem to go exactly as they should, we met Yogi. He was sitting in his cage with his face pressed up against the bars, not barking or running around, but seemed to be saying urgently with that gorgeous, expressive face that he has "pick me, pick me. PLEASE !!". A walk followed and he got on well with Max, that seemed to settle it. Then we had a chat with the kennel owners. Apparently he had been picked up as a stray, then re-homed twice but could not settle. He had separation anxiety and was rather uncontrollable they said. They were quite right too :o). His separation anxiety was sorted out fairly quickly by using common sense and a good routine. His boisterous and unpredictable behaviour has taken far longer. He is now just about getting there. He has managed to get himself into some amazing scrapes along the way. Jumping from a first floor window (no injuries), escaping from a garden miles from home and wandering into someones house so they could sort him out, jumping over a barbed wire fence and not quite making it (nasty injuries) and finding a hornets nest and stepping on it (badly stung). But despite his wayward ways, he is a loving, intelligent, happy soul who gives so much pleasure to all who meet him.